


Monsters: A Kylo Ren/Reader Story.

by Chan_dragon



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fanfiction, Fluff, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren x Reader - Freeform, Love/Hate Relationship, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Reader Insert, Star Wars - Freeform, Star Wars Episode VII - Freeform, TFA - Freeform, The Force Awakens
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-08-15 07:35:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 29,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8047900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chan_dragon/pseuds/Chan_dragon
Summary: Kylo Ren is a monster, but so are you. You, an ex-Stormtrooper and he a Knight of Ren, both of you have done terrible things and both of you have pasts that you keep hidden.You worked in sanitation on Star Killer Base, going about your work without incident until you were reassigned to be Kylo Ren's personal staff. The first time you met him you felt oddly drawn to him in a way that you couldn't explain and you keep bumping into each other everywhere you go. You know that there is more to the masked Commander than meets the eye and you'd be damned if you didn't find out what it is, even if it gets you killed, (which it probably will).
I suck a summaries, but I SWEAR the story is much better than I made it sound!





	1. Chapter I

You lay in your bed, staring daggers at your alarm clock. Daring it to start its ear piercing beeping, so that you could throw it against the wall, smashing it into tiny pieces.   
5:29 the red glowing numbers that the clock displayed looked almost evil, taunting you with its inevitable-  
5:30. BEEP BEEP BEEP  
You groaned loudly, and it took all of your willpower to just tap the top of the devise lightly and not stomp on it repeatedly to stop the insufferable beeping. It had been another sleepless night, you had spent most of the night tossing, turning and staring at the wall, counting the minutes until you had to get up for work. But it hadn't been for the usual reasons why you couldn't find sleep, last night it hadn't been nightmares that had kept you up, it was a feeling. A feeling that you couldn't quite place, the best that you could come up with was something between excitement and dread or maybe a mixture of both. Something was going to happen today, good or bad, the last time you had a feeling like this, the event that followed changed your life and you knew that this time it wouldn't be any different.

You waited in line with the rest of the janitors, when you would get to the front of the line a droid would scan the number on the front of your work uniform which was just a plain gray jumpsuit. After the droid scanned your identification number it would print out a list of your cleaning duties that you had to complete that day. The line shuffled forward at a steady pace and soon enough you were the next in line, as the man in front of you received his list and left to go complete them you stepped forward and held out your hand, ready to receive your list. But instead the droid scanned your identification number and spoke in a unpleasant, mechanical voice.  
"Sanitizer 10642, please report to sanitation head quarters, where you will receive further instructions."   
You stood, frozen for a few seconds. First off, you didn't even know that the droid could speak, and second, no one ever got sent to head quarters for any good reason. You had no choice though, so you moved from the front of the line and headed towards HQ. As you walked you wondered what you had done wrong? Was it because you had used the wrong cleanser on the floor in the canteen by accident? All it did was make the floor a little slippery when it was wet, maybe someone had slipped and hurt themselves. But it was an honest mistake, it wasn't something to get fired over, was it?   
You really didn't want to get terminated, you actually found enjoyment in your job. You didn't mined scrubbing floors and windows because you were mostly working alone and it was sort of therapeutic, no one bothered you and that's the way you liked it. Especially after what your first job was, anything was better than that.  
You reached sanitation head quarters, which was a big room filled with cleaning equipment and cleaning droids. There were a few people in there and they were either taking inventory of the equipment or repairing cleaning droids. You stood by the entrance awkwardly, not knowing what to do, no one seemed to be paying you any mind. But just as you were about to go over to the closest person and ask what the hell you were doing here, a rather round woman emerged from another room. She wasn't wearing the usual janitor uniform, instead she wore a slightly grayer pantsuit that did not flatter her short and stout figure, it made her look like a grey blob, you thought. She scanned the room and when she spotted you, she motioned for you to come over. You swallow and walk over, following her into what you assume is her office.   
"You're Sanitizer 10642, I presume." She said in a voice that sounded like she's gargling pebbles.   
"Yes ma'am." You say with more confidence than you felt.  
"I'm Caigil Parrten, I'm Director of Sanitation." Caigil said, there was no hint of pride in the way she said it. You couldn't blame her though, you wouldn't have been proud of that title either.  
"I called you here today because it was brought to my attention that there is a opening in the Sanitation department and I think you would are adequate for the job," she said.   
"I have received reports that you complete your duties to the highest level and with the job that you would be doing, that is very important."   
The way Caigil said the last part made you nervous.  
"Director Caigil, what exactly will I be doing?" You ask, apprehensive.  
Caigil gave you a look that made you more nervous than you already were.  
"As you know, the higher ranking persons in the First Order have a personal staff."  
You nodded, this was indeed a known fact.  
"And Commander Kylo Ren is in need of a personal sanitizer."  
For the second time that day, you froze with your mouth agape.   
"W-what happened to his old one?" You asked, not sure if you wanted to know the answer.  
"Commander Ren killed him," she said in a bored tone, like it should have been obvious to you.  
"Oh," was all you could say.  
"You start tomorrow, I will give you a list of the duties you will be required to do, the times you will do them and some rules," she said, already pulling a sheet of paper from her desk.  
Your eyes went wide, you hadn't even agreed to take the job, but you guess that you didn't really have a choice anyway.  
Caigil handed you the paper, you scanned the list of duties, most of it was stuff was things you already did everyday, except for a few new things like, making the bed, making sure Commaners Ren's cloths were pressed and folded, making sure he had fresh sheets on his bed, and so on.  
Caigil leaned across her desk-which made a groaning noise like it wold collapse any second under her weight- and pointed to the bottom of the page which contained a few sentences.  
"These rules are from Commander Ren himself. You will follow all of them exactly as they are written or he will kill you." She said in a deadpan tone.  
"And for convenience sake, all personal staff housing is located near living quarters. So you will be relocated today, you may go collect your belongings then I'll send for a Stormtrooper to escort you to the living quarters." She said, while practically pushing you out of her office.

With the list clutched in hand, you numbly walked back to your small, bare room.   
You looked around at the single ceiling light that only gave enough light for you to see where you were going, the bed that was only big enough for you to sleep semi-comfortably, the tiny closet where you hung your few items of clothing, and a small metal nightstand. You sighed, at least it wouldn't take long to pack up.

It took you 5 minutes to pack all of your 'belongings' (they weren't even really yours, it was all given to you by the First Order) into a small drawstring bag. The last thing that you took before you left your room was a necklace from your nightstand. This was the only actual item that you owned, the only thing that was proof of your life before the First Oder.   
The necklace consisted of two rings, silver bands with a small opal in the center. The rings dangled on a simple silver chain, one of the rings belonged to you, the other was your brother's. The First Order didn't allow any jewelry to be worn, so you kept the necklace in your room. Now though, you decided to wear the necklace, you put the chain over your head and situated it on your neck so that the collar of your jumpsuit hid it from view, though you couldn't really tell if it was completely hidden because of the lack of a mirror in your room.  
With one last final look at your old room, you left closing the door behind you. You walked down the long corridor with rooms on either side, rooms just like yours, the only difference was the numbers on the doors. You decided that you wouldn't miss this place, you really hadn't made any friends in the year that you had been here so there wasn't really anything to miss.

When you reached the end of the corridor, you were greeted by figure in a familiar white suit. The Stormtrooper looked you up and down, (at least you assumed they did, they're helmet was on so you only thought they did from the way they're head moved slightly)   
"Are you Sanitation worker 10642?" He asked, the voice that came through the mask was deep and distinctly male.  
"That's me," you said with a half smile.  
"I'm to escort you to the worker's housing in the living quarters section of the base," he said. "Follow me." He turned on his heal and started marching down another hallway without checking to see if you were following.  
Without missing a beat, you followed after him. You were grateful to Director Caigil for having someone take you to Living Quarters, you had never been to that part of the base, you would have gotten lost if you had tried to find it yourself.

It was a long walk, it took you almost an hour to get to Living Quarters, you were thankful for the grueling training you had to endure years ago otherwise that walk would have had you pretty out of breath and sore. You glanced at your Stormtrooper escort, that suit was not made for comfort, and that was one of the many things that you did not miss about being a Stormtrooper.  
The Stormtrooper halted in front of a long corridor that didn't look much different from the one you had just left, the only difference being that the doors were spaced further apart.   
"Your room number is 52, there will be a keypad for you to enter a 4 digit passcode, you'll have to creat your own so make sure to remember it," he said.  
"I'll try my best," you said. "And thank you for getting me here." You smiled kindly at him, you knew from experience that Stormtroopers didn't see many smiling faces. He just nodded, turned and marched away.  
You stared after him for a second, you wondered if he had a name, most Stormtroopers didn't, you knew that, but there were a lucky few who got to keep their names, like you and your brother.   
You found your new room easily and punched in a 4 digit code on the keypad next to the door, the door slid open to reveal a room almost identical to your old one. To be honest you were kind of disappointed, you were hoping that the personal staff was treated a little better then regular workers. There were subtle differences, like the light switch activated a light that actually lit of the whole room, (though it was a blinding harsh light and you found that you preferred the light in your old room) the bed was a bit bigger and had two pillows instead of one and the blanket on it was thicker, your closet was not much bigger, but the most noticeable differences were the empty storage shelves in one corner and a full length mirror hanging on the wall next to the closet. You walked over to the mirror and stared at your reflection, it had been a while since you saw your self and that was intentional, you didn't like what you saw, not to say that you didn't like yourself physically. On the outside you liked yourself just fine, you thought yourself to be pretty average, not stunning, but not ugly. It was what was on the inside that repulsed you and that was all that you could see, a monster who had done horrible, horrible things.   
You turned away.   
It took you even less time to unpack than it took you to pack and when you were done you flopped onto your bed and found that it was a lot more comfortable than it looked. You fingered your necklace and looked over at the clock on the nightstand. It was only midday, you blew some hair out of your face, you didn't start till tomorrow, so what were you supposed to do for the rest of the day? You had missed lunch and dinner wasn't till a lot later, then you remembered the list and the rules that you hadn't gotten to read yet. You dug the paper out of your pocket where you had stuffed it earlier, you sat up and smoothed out the creases.  
You read out loud.  
"Only come to clean when Commander Ren is not in his room, those hours are between 6am and 5pm. Make sure that all of your duties are completed and you are out of his room by 5pm. You are not to touch anything more then is necessary. You are not to speak to anyone about anything that you see while in Commander Ren's room. If your services are not needed for a day, you will be contacted and you will not clean that day. If for any reason you do not follow these rules, you will be terminated immediately.'  
After you re-read the rules a few more times, making sure that you knew it by heart, you tossed the paper onto the nightstand, lay back down and stared at the ceiling, wide eyed.  
"What the hell have I gotten myself into?"


	2. Chapter II

You slept surprisingly well, considering how nervous you were. You probably owed that to your new bed, it was a lot more comfortable than your old one.  
You woke up around 6:00 and went to go find the showers. You were hoping that personal staff got bathrooms in their rooms, but you should have known better, only the highest ranking people had their own personal bathrooms.  
You found the showers fairly easily, the layout here wasn't much different than in Sanitation. You entered the woman's shower room, there were a few other girls in there, most of them ignored you and went about their business, a few of them smiled at you kindly and you smiled back.  
You showered quickly and dressed in your new uniform, it was still a jumpsuit, but instead of grey the new one was black with red accents, the official New Order colors. It was less baggy then your old one, it wasn't skin tight, it was just a little more form fitting, like you could tell that you were a girl instead of having all of your curves hidden underneath a baggy jumpsuit.  
You brushed your teeth, put on deodorant, combed your shoulder length (y/c/h) and put it in the mandatory bun. You went back to your room and put all of your cosmetics back, then you left and went to the big closet where they kept all of the cleaning supplies, you took what you needed and headed towards Kylo Ren's quarters.   
It took you almost 30 minutes to find Kylo Ren's room, you tried to follow the directions on the paper that had the list and rules on it, but you kept getting turned around. You eventually had to admit defeat and ask a passing by officer (you could tell he was an officer from his uniform) for directions. He gave you a look like you were the lowest of all human beings, but he gave you directions anyways. You thanked him and continued on, following the officers instructions and found yourself at Kylo Ren's door.  
You gulped and stared at the black, unmarked door. You chided yourself for being so nervous. It's not like he was in there, you told yourself. You raised a shaking hand to the keypad and typed in the override passcode that all sanitation facilities knew. The door slid open with a whooshing noise, the room was dark, you couldn't see anything standing where you were, you steeled yourself and walked in. Motion sensor lights immediately lit up the room as the door slid shut behind you.  
You didn't know what you'd been expecting, but it sure wasn't this. Commander Ren's quarters were quite plain and simple, there was bed in the center of the room, it was definitely a lot bigger than yours and looked a lot more comfier than yours too. The bed was nothing fancy, it had a plain black comforter and stark white sheets, with a couple black pillows. You ventured in a bit more and found that the room was quite smaller than you had imagined it would be, it was still at least 3 times bigger than your room, but still not what you had imagined a high ranking commanders room to look like. The walls were a smokey grey color and the floor was some kind of dark wood. There was a closet in one corner of the room, a wooden chest of drawers in another corner and a door off to the right of the room that you assumed lead to the bathroom. The thing that captured your attention was the large window that looked out onto the desolate, snowy wasteland that was Starkiller Base. You walked over to the window and looked out, it had been a while since you last saw outside the base's walls, there wasn't much too see as it was currently snowing hard, but you could make out the shapes of a couple trees. All in all Kylo Ren's room looked like it could have been anyone's room, there was no personal touch, not even an item of clothing lying on the floor, no decorations, nothing. You came to the conclusion that he must have spent as little time here as he could. You shrugged and got to work.  
As you cleaned you thought about everything you knew about Commander Ren. There were a lot of people in the First Order who had never even seen Kylo Ren, he liked to keep to himself and didn't go out much, but you had seen him two or three times when you were a Stormtrooper. Once while in a battle and the other times was just in passing by, you had never spoken to him, but you had heard him speak through that mask, that he was never seen without. The way his voice had sounded through his voice modulator sent chills up your spine, the memory still gave you goosebumps. There were rumors of him being powerful with the Force and you could confirm those rumors, you had seen him use it in battle and it was one of the most terrifying things you had ever seen, not to mention that horrible weapon he wielded, you didn't know what it was, a light saber? It didn't look like any kind of light saber you had seen in pictures. No one you knew had seen what he looked like underneath the mask, he could be a disfigured old man, or maybe he wasn't even a human, he could be any species as far as you knew. You were definitely intimidated by him, but you couldn't say that you scared of him, you were more curious than anything else, he was a mystery. You also knew about his temper and that was what scared most people, you had been fortunate enough not to experienced it first hand, but you had heard stories of how the littlest thing could set him off into a complete rage, destroying things and even people with his light saber. You thought back to what Caigil had told you about Kylo Ren's other cleaner. Kylo had killed him, maybe he hadn't followed the rules and done something wrong, or maybe he hadn't and he had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Part of you hoped that you would never have the pleasure of meeting Commander Ren, but the other part of you, the more daring part of you hoped that you got a chance to see the dark Commander face to face.   
You took your time cleaning, you had plenty of time since this was the only place you were assigned to now. You finished the basic cleaning first, like scrubbing the floors, dusting, cleaning the bathroom, then after all of that was done you started on the stuff you had never done before. You started with the bed, the list said to make the bed and put fresh sheets on, but the bed looked like it had never even been slept in. You shrugged your shoulders and stripped the bed anyways, you threw the 'dirty' sheets into the laundry shoot and put on a fresh ones, then you remade the bed, making it look exactly how it looked before. Suddenly a stupid thought appeared in your head, "I could get killed for this," you mumbled to yourself, "I really shouldn't."  
You did. You jumped onto Kylo Ren's bed and lay on your back, his bed made your bed feel like a pile of rock. It was the comfiest thing that you had ever lay on in your life, if you had a bed like this you would never leave it. After you had your fun you smoothed out the blankets and made it look like nothing had happened. You looked around, you couldn't stem the flow of curiosity that flooded through you, you knew what the rules said, but you just couldn't help your nosy self, you started to snoop around the room. You looked in the closet and was greeted by a bunch of black clothes and nothing else, you then went over to the chest of drawers and found more black clothing, 'does this guy only wear black clothes?' You thought to yourself.   
Then in the very back of the top drawer your eyes fell on a small silver box, you were about to reach for it when your ears picked up on the sound of a keypads buttons being pressed. Your slammed the drawer shut and whipped around to look at the clock. It was only half past 4:00pm you still had a half an hour to clear out of hear. Your heart started racing as you tried to gather up all of the cleaning supplies to make it look like you were just about to leave. You were just picking up the bucket with all of the cleansing solutions when the door slid open and you were met with the sight of the Night Of Ren himself, Commander Kylo Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Hope you all like this chapter, sorry its short. I promise Kylo will be in it more from now on!
> 
> Happy reading!  
> ~Chan_dragon


	3. Chapter III

Both of you froze as you processed each other. But then the silence was broken when he swept into the room and continued until he was right in front of you. He was much more intimidating up close, with his black robes and gleaming metallic mask. He was a lot taller up close too, and he towered over your smaller frame. You could feel the power emanating off of him in waves and it made your body shake involuntarily, you should have felt scared, you were just in awe and maybe you were in shock.   
"Who are you and why are you in my room?" He demanded, his distorted voice made your arms erupt in goosebumps.  
You stood strait with your shoulders back, head up and eyes forward, your Stormtrooper training taking over for how you acted when addressed by someone of a higher rank than you.  
"I'm sanitizer 10642, I'm your new personal sanitation staff, Commander," you said and you silently congratulated yourself for not stuttering.  
Kylo looked you up and down silently (at least you assumed he did).  
"Why are you still in my room? Weren't you given instructions to be gone before I got here?" He asked, and you could hear the impatience grow in his voice even through the voice modulator.  
You confidence waned and you looked at the bucket you held in your hands.  
"Y-yes, Commander, but I was informed that I had until 5:00 to finish cleaning," you said.  
There was an awkward pause as Kylo Ren glanced at the clock over your shoulder, then he swept pass you and went to stand in front of the window, while still looking at you.  
"I'll let this one time of stupidity on your part slide, but the next time you slip up I will not be as merciful and you will end up like my last worker," he said and turned his back to you, clearly dismissing you.  
"Yes, Commander Ren, I understand and it won't happen again," you said while gathering your supplies and rushing out the door.   
You practically ran back to the your room, only pausing to return the cleaning supplies to the closet. When you got to your room, you let out a long breath through your mouth. Your heart was still racing and adrenaline pumped through your veins, you felt as if you had just been through a raging battle. You were equally terrified as you were excited, this was not how you were expecting the first day on the job to go.  
'But it could have been worse' you thought to yourself, 'he could have killed me.'  
He definitely was as intimidating and dark as you had heard, but when others had talked about him they said that just being in his presence made them want to piss their pants, but you just hadn't been scared. Sure you knew that he could kill you with a flick of his wrist if he wanted to, but you weren't frightened in the least. Instead you felt oddly drawn to the Commander, maybe it was because you got the feeling that he was more than just a Knight of Ren who threw major temper tantrums, and you felt the need to find out what it was, it was a desire that would result in a horrible death on your part, but you were just so curious and you didn't know why.  
You looked at your clock, it read 5:00, dinner was in a few minutes. You hadn't eaten all day and you were ravenous. You peaked out of your room and saw other workers exiting their rooms, you assumed they were heading to the nearest canteen for dinner and seeing that you had no idea where it was located you decided to follow the crowd. While you walked you thought about Commander Ren, you only came out of your thinking cloud to get the mysterious mush that the First Order said was food. Every day the mush would change color, but it still tasted the same, which was to say it didn't taste like anything. You received your blue mush and went to go sit a table with the least amount of other people siting at it. When you set your tray down no one even looked up at you, and when you sat down no one spoke to you. It wasn't unusual for no one to talk during meals because if you didn't finish eating and talked the whole time, a cleaning droid would come around to collect you tray, whether or not you were finished. So everyone sat silently and ate quickly, which was fine by you.   
After you choked down the mush and washed it down with room temperature water, you headed back to your room and got your sleeping clothes on, you weren't tired and it was only 6:00, but you needed to get enough sleep for another day of work tomorrow and you knew that the nightmares would keep you up most of the night. This had been your routine ever since you became a sanitation worker. You switched off the light and lie in your bed, and thought again of Kylo Ren and how deep down you hoped that you would see him again, you sighed.  
'I must have a death wish.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I hope ya'll liked this chapter! Again, sorry that its short, but with work and college it's hard to find time to write! The next chapter is longer, I promise! I know that it has a bit of a slow start, but it will pick up pretty soon.  
> Again I just want to remind the reader that I update every Monday, if I have spare time I'll try to update sooner, but no promises.   
> Also I wanna ask you guys, since this is a reader insert, do you guys want me to give the main character/you a name? Or would you rather me just leave it as (y/n)? Let me know, I'm fine with either one and if you want to choose a name I won't pick a stupid generic name.   
> Okay that's all, happy reading!   
> ~Chan_dragon


	4. Chapter IV

_You ducked to avoid getting your head blown off by a blaster bullet, you scanned the decimated landscape. Everywhere you looked there was debris, rubble, engine fires from fallen ships, and bodies. Stormtroopers and Resistance fighters and worst of all the innocents caught in the crossfire. Screams echoed all around you, explosions made your hearing fuzzy, the lenses on your mask were cracked making it even harder for you to see through the smokey night._   
_You tried your comlink inside your helmet again even though you knew that it was busted, it had been smashed when you fell and smacked your head against the ground._   
_"SF49 , do you copy?"_   
_Nothing._   
_"Come in SF49, can you hear me?" You tried again._   
_Still nothing._   
_"Can anyone hear me!" You shouted._   
_All around you the battle raged, on your left you saw a group of Stormtroopers shoot down two Resistance fighters. On your right a scared civilian ran for their life, only to go down as a First Oder pilot peppered the ground and the civilian with it's blasters._   
_You were so preoccupied with watching the battle that you almost missed the blaster bullet coming straight at your chest, you dove out of the way, narrowly missing being shot. You looked up from the ground to see that it was a Resistance fighter who had almost killed you. You rolled, got to your feet and returned fire, you were a much better shot and the fighter went down with a shot to the head. You stumbled over to where the fighter had crumpled to the ground, the lifeless body was male and he looked like he was your age, but with all of the dirt and grime covering his face you couldn't really tell. Looking at the staring unseeing eyes of the fighter reminded of who you were looking for. You stepped over the body and continued searching, an explosion close to your right side sent you flying, you landed on your side hard. You sat up dizzily, your ears ringing and your vision fuzzy._   
_"ELI!!" You screamed into the night as the battle raged all around you._

You jerked awake and sat up in your bed, you shivered as the cool air hit your skin which was slick with sweat. You grabbed your blanket from the floor where it had fallen because of all of the thrashing you had done while dreaming. You wrapped the blanket around you and sat cross legged on your bed, you knew that you wouldn't be getting any more sleep tonight, so there was no point of even trying. You looked at your clock, it was 4 in the morning, breakfast wasn't until 5:30 and work was at six, so you had a little over an hour to kill. You did what you usually did, you stripped down to your underwear and started your workout routine. You had to work out in your underwear because otherwise you would get your night clothes all sweaty and you didn't have any workout clothes, you only had one set of night clothes and laundry day was only once a week. You started with with 10 sets of push-ups, sit-ups and crunches, then to get your heart rate up you did 50 jumping jacks, ran in place for 5 minutes, and 30 burpees. When you were done you stretched out, you glanced in the mirror and saw your skin was slick and shiny with sweat and you wiped your arm across your face to wipe sweat out of your eyes. You shivered and quickly got dressed enough for you to get to the showers without flashing people, you rushed to the showers as quickly as possible, it was a lot colder here than it was in the living quarters. After you took a steaming hot shower and got dressed in your uniform, you felt much warmer, then after dropping off your cosmetics back at your room, you rushed to the canteen grabbed a tray, received a pile of lukewarm yellowish mush, and scarfed it down, trying not too gag as you swallowed. The food that the First Order fed to their staff was packed with protein and vitamins, all the good stuff you needed to get through the day, it was just served in the form of tasteless mush that looked like it was something that you would scrape off of the bottom of your boots.  
You chased down the mush with a glass of water, then you sped walked your way to the utility closet and grabbed your cleaning supplies, and made your way to Kylo Ren's quarters. You grinned when you found his room without a hitch this time, you punched in the override code and swept into the room. As you worked you hummed tunelessly, you had no idea why you were in such a good mood, it was weird.  
You finished well before 5 o'clock and got out of Kylo Ren's room without seeing him, and if you were being completely honest with yourself you were kind of disappointed. As you made your way back to staff housing, you passed by a few Stormtroopers. They marched pass you, going in the opposite direction, you glanced at them as they passed by. They were talking among themselves, one of them said something that made the others bark with laughter. At the sound your heart clenched and a sadness swept over you, a feeling that you hadn't felt in a while. You realized that you were lonely, you missed that feeling of being able to relate to somebody, having inside jokes, and just laughing in general. You couldn't even remember the last time that you laughed. After you quit being a Stormtrooper you had closed yourself off from everyone, back in the sanitation department a few people had tried to befriend you, but you had shut them out and you were not kind about it either. But now you longed for human interaction, you thought back to your squadron, they were the closest thing to family that you had, besides your brother, especially Ghost. Ghost was your best friend, he was in the same squadron as you were, he was you squadrons leader. Besides your brother Ghost was the only person you ever opened up to, you knew each other better than you knew yourself sometimes. You hated that you left him with no explanation, but it was for the best, you knew that. But at the moment you missed him so much it hurt.  
You decided that you would try to make new friends where you were, surely there were a few people who wanted an emotionally scarred, baggage laden, new friend. How hard could it be?

You washed up and headed for the canteen for dinner, when you got your food you stood awkwardly to the side, scanning the room for a table with people who looked inviting. You saw mostly people quietly eating their food and you knew that they wouldn't want to talk. You saw a few tables with people chatting and laughing quietly, but their tables were mostly full and you weren't feeling that chatty. Then your eyes landed on a table in the corner of the room, there was a girl sitting by herself picking at her mush, she looked to be about your age, so you decided to give it a shot. You walked over to the table and sat yourself down across from her.  
The girl looked up at you, you gave her a small smile and she returned it. She had a pretty face, it had a babyish, innocent look that made you feel instantly comfortable around her. Her skin was a light brown color. She had soft, kind, brown eyes, her nose was small and turned up slightly at the end. She had brown hair that you could tell was long and thick from how big her bun was, you could also tell that she was taller then you from her long legs, crossed underneath the table.  
"Hi, is it okay if I sit here?" You asked.  
"I don't mind," she said, still smiling at you.  
"My name is (y/n), " you offered, hoping that she would keep the conversation going.  
"Nova, may name's Nova," she said, then she cocked her head, studying you.  
"You're new here, I haven't seen you before," she said.  
You nodded. "I'm new to this part of the base, but not new to the job."  
"I used to work in basic sanitation, until I got transferred here," you told Nova.  
"Ah, I see. Where do you work now?" She asked, taking a sip of her water.  
"I, uh. I clean Commander Kylo Ren's quarters."  
Nova made a gagging sound as she choked on her water, you handed her a napkin as she coughed to clear her throat. When she could speak again, she looked at you wide eyed and said:  
"What?! Are you serious?"  
You chuckled at her reaction, "I'm serious, I don't think anyone would joke about that."  
"What happened to the other guy?" She asked, her eyes wide.  
"I was told that Commander Ren killed him," you said. "I hope that he wasn't someone you knew."  
You could see sadness flash in Nova's eyes and her tone became somber.  
"His name was Ral and I knew him," she said, leaning back into her chair and crossing her arms across her chest.  
"I'm so sorry Nova," you said with as much sympathy as you could muster. You hoped that she wouldn't start crying, you weren't good with other people crying.  
Nova shook her head, "Its fine, I didn't know him that well, we chatted once or twice, but we never really became friends."  
She took a deep breath and sat forward again looking at you intensely.  
"I was wondering why I hadn't seen him in a while, do you know what he did?" She asked.  
You shook your head, "I have no idea."  
"Well, RIP Ral," Nova said while stuffing a forkful of mush into her mouth and washing it down with the rest of her water. "Hopefully you'll be luckier than he was," she pointed at you with her fork.  
"Yeah," you agreed while stuffing your mouth with mush as well.  
"Though, I almost suffered a similar fate yesterday. The Commander was early and he came back to his room before I had a chance to leave."  
You thought that Nova's eyes had gone wide before, now her eyes looked like they were about to pop out of her head.  
"You've met Kylo Ren!?!" She exclaimed loud enough for the people at the table around you to turn their heads and give you curious and dirty looks.  
Nova noticed and leaned in closer. "What was he like? Was he as mean as they say he is? Did he threaten you with his light saber?" She asked, excitement thick in her voice and face.  
You hesitated, you knew that you weren't supposed to share with anyone what went on in Commander Ren's quarters, but you felt happier than you'd felt in a long time talking with Nova, you wanted to keep that feeling as long as you could. So, you leaned in so there was only a foot of table space between the two of you, grins on both of each other's faces.  
"He was powerful and tall, but other than calling me stupid he wasn't mean at all, just really intimidating. And no, I didn't see his light saber," you said.  
"Did he take off his mask," she asked eagerly.  
"No, unfortunately," you said, disappointedly. "But I'm hoping that I'll be able to get a glimpse someday."  
Nova looked at you, amazed. Like you had just walked through fire and come through without a single burn on your skin.  
"Wow, well at least your job is exciting, all I get to do is clean General Hux' room," she said in a bored tone.  
It was your turn to look at her wide eyed.  
"What do you mean? That's pretty big, he practically runs the First Oder!" You said.  
"Yeah it sounds a lot cooler than it actually is, sure he has a lot of power, but General Hux isn't a mysterious, dark lord with special powers," she said, picking at the last of her food.  
You nodded, she did have a point. You were about to voice that when you were interrupted by a Stormtrooper, who marched strait up to your table to stand to your right side.  
"Sanitizer 10642?" She asked. This time the voice that came through the helmet was female.  
You turned towards the Stormtrooper and looked up at her.  
"Yes, that's me." You said, throughly confused as to why she was asking.  
"You are to follow me," she said.  
You looked at Nova and she was looking form you to the Stormtrooper and back again, she looked just as confused as you felt.  
"Can I ask why?" You asked.  
"I was just given orders to take you to the kitchen located in the living quarters," she said.  
This information only made you more confused, but you got up and stood in front of her anyways.  
"Alright then, let's go," you said.  
The Stormtrooper turned and started towards the exit, as you followed her you looked back at Nova and gave her an apologetic smile and shrugged, she gave you a look that said "good luck" and waved.  
While you followed the trooper through the cold, metallic corridors, you skipped a few steps to catch up to her, when you were walking in stride with her, you turned your head to look at her.  
"Do you really not know why I'm being summoned to the kitchens? Are you sure you have the right person? I'm not a cook, I'm a cleaner," you said.  
"I was given my orders and that's all I know, sorry," she said.  
You were taken aback, you almost never heard a Stormtrooper apologize, she must be new, come to think of it she did sound pretty young. She could have been 17 or 18.  
You softened your tone and gave her a small smile.   
"It's fine, it's just I've had a weird couple of days and it just seems to keep getting weirder."  
"I know what you mean," she said in a grim voice.   
You wondered what she meant.

You arrived at the kitchen in no time, when you entered the smell that hit you made mouth water and you stomach growl. The aroma of real food was a smell that you hadn't smelled in a very long time. You almost lost sight of the Stormtrooper as she lead you over to a busy cook.  
"Here is Commander Ren's personal cleaner," the Stormtrooper told the cook.  
The cook looked up from the food he was preparing.  
"Finally!" He exclaimed.  
Before you could say a word or ask what he meant, he shoved a covered tray into your hands.  
"I don't have time to explain, all you need to know is that we're very short handed today and I don't have anyone I can spare. All I need you to do is bring Commander Ren his dinner." He said so quickly that it took you a few seconds to process what he said.  
When you did, you gave him a confused look.  
"Why me? I'm just his cleaner," you asked.  
He sighed frustratedly.  
"The girl who usually does it is sick or something and you're the only other worker I could find who knows how to get to his room."  
You nodded, a little less confused now.  
"Then what are you waiting for?!" He practically screamed. "If you don't hurry, the food's going to get cold, and if Commander Ren gets cold food both of our heads will be in danger of being separated from our shoulders!"  
You scrambled out of the kitchen as fast as you could without dropping the platter. You kept up the pace as you waved through the hallways. As you went the smell of cooked meat wafted out of the covered plater, you could feel the heat seeping through the bottom of the plater, warming your hands. The smell was almost intoxicating and you had to remind yourself to keep walking.   
'It's not fair,' you thought to yourself. 'How come the rest of us can't have hot meals, I think we deserve it what with all the hard work we do, without us this base would fall apart.'  
'And why does Kylo Ren have his food delivered to his room? Why doesn't he just eat in the living quarters canteen with all the rest of the commanders, generals, captains and the sorts? Is he really that much of a loner?'  
With all of those thoughts running through your head, you almost passed Commander Ren's room, you skidded to a halt in front of the door. Well you had hoped to see him again, would he recognize you? Would he be displeased to see you again? You shook those thoughts out of your head, he most likely wouldn't even remember you.  
You balanced the plater on one hand and raised the other one and knocked on the metal door firmly. The sound echoed in the quiet, empty corridor, you stood there for a few seconds before the door slid open and you were once again met with the sight of Commander Kylo Ren.  
He looked exactly the same as when you saw him yesterday, you had been hoping that maybe he would have had his helmet off, but no such luck.  
"I've brought you your dinner, Commander," you said, holding out the tray.  
He didn't take it, instead he continued to stare at you.  
"You, why are you here again?" He asked, he almost sounded surprised.  
"I, uh don't really know myself, something about someone being sick or something..." You trailed off as you stared into the eye slits of the mask, trying desperately to see the eyes that lay behind it.  
He didn't say anything at first, he just stared at you, and because of the mask you couldn't tell what he was thinking or how he felt and it was very unsettling to say the least. Finally, after a couple more seconds of awkward silence, he shifted to one side of the doorway and said:  
"Come in."  
You did as you were told and entered his room, as you walked pass him you caught the faint scent of pine and smoke, the two scents oddly compliment each other, you liked it... a lot.  
You stood awkwardly in the center of the room, unsure of what to do next. Commander Ren brushed past you and stood in front of you again.  
"Just set it over there," he said, gesturing to the nightstand next to his bed.  
You walked around him and set the tray on the nightstand. You almost dreaded turning around again because you knew that he would be staring at you, you could feel his eyes boring into your back. Why was he acting like this? Out of all of the ways he could have reacted to you, inviting you into his room was not a reaction that you would have ever guessed. This was all so bizarre.  
When you turned to face him again you stood with your shoulders straight and looked directly into the eye slits of the mask.  
"Is that all, Commander?" You asked, betraying none of your emotions in your tone.  
The room was filled with another silents that made you want to look down at your shoes and pick at your nails nervously, but you resisted the urge and maintained eye contact with the mask.  
"You're not afraid."  
The sudden harsh sound almost made you jump, it took you a couple seconds for your mind to process what he had said.   
"Wha-?" You began, but shut up as he started to slowly circle you.  
"You're not afraid of me, why is that?" He asked, his distorted voice deep, it made a shiver crawl up you spine.  
How does he know that I'm not scared of him? You thought to yourself, it was like he was inside of your head. You tried to think of a good answer since you weren't even sure why you weren't scared shitless at the moment.  
"You haven't done anything to me to make me scared of you," you said, pleased with your answer.  
He paused in his circling like he was considering your words, then he continued his slow pace around you.  
"What is your name?" He asked.  
You were taken aback by his question, why would Commander Kylo Ren what to know your- a lowly workers- name?  
"My name is (y/n), Commander."  
He came to a stop in front of you and stood with his arms folded across his chest. He looked down at you and for the thousands time you wished that he would just take the damn mask off.  
"Tell me, (y/n), why is this the second day in a row that I am seeing you in my room?" He questioned.  
You had to keep yourself from saying that technically you were only in his room now because he had invited you in.   
"I don't know sir, I'm just trying to do my job and that includes doing what I'm told, and I was told to deliver your dinner to your room because the person who usually does it is sick, and I've completed that task, so can I please leave now?"   
Your chest was heaving as you instantly regretted your words, but you were getting tired of whatever game Kylo Ren was playing and you just really wanted to get away from the unseeing mask eye slits. He just stood there looking at you, and you wondering why you were still alive, if being a Stormtrooper had taught you anything it was that you never talked back to a superior and if you did the consequences would be dire.  
Kylo Ren shifted, 'this is it' you thought, 'he's going to whip out his lightsaber and cut me in half, or he's going to break my neck using the force.'  
But he didn't do either of those things, all he did was lift his hand and you heard the door behind you slid open.  
"You are free to go," he said.   
You stared at him, mouth open in disbelief. You decided not to push your luck and mumbled, "Thanks," and scurried out of the room.  
As you walked back to your room, your heart racing a mile a minute, you thought that out of all of the things that he could of done to you for disrespecting him, letting you go without a scratch or even a good telling off was the least Kylo Ren-y thing he could have done.   
'Maybe he's having an off day.' You thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I hope you liked this longish chapter! Things are picking up a bit! Sorry if I don't get Kylo's personality quit right, I'm trying my best, but not to worry I won't stray far from his dangerous, murderous, unpredictable, angsty, sexy self ;)  
> Let me know what you think of this chapter!  
> Happy reading,  
> ~Chan_dragon<3


	5. Chapter V

The next morning as you made your way to get breakfast you couldn't help but walk a little more quickly than the other people around you. You could wait to talk to Nova about your encounter with Kylo Ren, you had really wanted to talk to her last night after the whole ordeal, but unfortunately everyone was inn their rooms by the tie you got back and you had no idea what room was Nova's. Even if you had known, it wouldn't have mattered, staff was not allowed into each other's rooms. So, now you were almost bursting at the seems with the urge to tell someone about your crazy night.  
As soon as you got your food you looked around the large room for Nova, you spotted her sitting at the same table that you guys sat at yesterday. You rushed over as quickly as you could without spilling the contents of your tray, when you sat down Nova looked up from her food, eyes wide.  
"Hey, (y/n)," she greeted you with a smile.  
"Nova, I have to tell you what happened last night, I'm not supposed to and I could loose my job or my life if I tell you, but I can't keep it to myself, I need to tell somebody," you said, looking her straight in the eyes. You had just met Nova, but you felt like you could trust her and it want like you ha anyone else to confide in.  
She looked at you in surprise, but you could also see worry in her eyes, she was concerned for you and that made you feel warm inside, it had been a while since someone had actually cared about your wellbeing.  
"I promise, I won't tell anyone," she said. "Tell me what happened."  
You looked around for anyone who seemed to be listening in, but everyone around you was minding their own business. You leaned across the table and she followed suit.  
"I was called into the living quarter's kitchen last night," you said, your voice barely above a whisper.  
"Yeah, I heard the Stormtrooper, why did they need you there?" She asked, her voice the same volume as yours.  
"Apparently the person who usually brings Commander Ren his dinner was sick, so they needed me to do it," you explained.  
"Why you? Couldn't have they had someone else do it?" She asked.  
"The cook told me that they were understaffed, plus I was the only other worker that he knew of who knows how to get to Commander Ren's room."  
"Okay, so you delivered his food, that doesn't explain why you're so worked up."  
You then proceeded to tell Nova what had transpired last night. When you were finished, Nova looked at you like you were a ghost. It took her a few tries to get actual words to come out of her mouth instead of strange squeaking noises.  
"And he let you go? Without a scratch?" She asked, bewildered.  
"Yeah, he didn't even yell at me or anything. I've been treated worse by droids I've talked back too," you said.  
"Are you sure that its Commander Ren who you've been encountering and not some other Commander?" She asked.  
"I'm sure," you said, chuckling.  
Nova leaned back in her chair and stared at the table, you could tell that she was as perplexed as you were.  
"Well, I'll tell you what I'd do you I were you, I'd beg my supervisor to assign me literally anywhere else, but you seem a lot more brave than I am, so I suggest that you take advantage of his weird lenience he seems to have towards you and find out as much as you can about him," she said.  
You looked at her in surprise, that was exactly what you had been thinking, you were just to afraid to say it out loud in fear of Nova calling you crazy.  
"It could get me killed," you said, trying to actually sound concerned for your own life.  
Nova shrugged. "Yeah, but in our line of work we need all of the excitement that we can get."  
You snorted and looked down, shaking your head. You had had enough excitement to last more than one lifetime when you were a Stormtrooper, you were definitely not lacking in the excitement department. But you really did want to learn more about Kylo Ren and you had a strange feeling that you were going to weather you liked it or not.  
You both finished your breakfast quickly, so that you could get to work on time.  
You were halfway done with cleaning Commander Ren's room when you remembered that it was laundry day, in a hurry, you left the cleaning supplies in the room and rushed as fast as you could, without actually running, to the laundry room. The laundry room was a big room, with industrial sized washing machines and dryers. Laundry droids put the clothes in the machines and workers took them out and sorted them. You went over to the bags of sorted clothes, looking for the bag labeled Commander Ren.  
You found it and slung it over your shoulder, it wasn't as heavy as you expected it to be. When you had picked the bag up a pice of paper had fluttered to the ground, it must have been stuck to the bag. You picked it up and read what was printed on it.

Sanitizer 10642, you will now be responsible for bringing Commander Ren his dinner every night, you will report to the kitchen every night at precisely 6:30 where you will receive the prepared meal. This order has come from Commander Ren himself.

You stared at the message, reading it again to make sure that you had understood it correctly. Why would Kylo Ren do this? The mysteries of the Commander just kept piling up. As you made your way back to the room you wondered if he was changing your schedule just to make your life harder, maybe it was payback for how you spoke to him last night. When you got back to Commander Ren's quarters you set the bag of clean laundry on the bed and finished cleaning. After you scrubbed the last section of floor you gathered all of the cleaning supplies up and put them in a pile by the door, so they would be easier to grab on your way out. Then you started on the laundry, this would be a challenge since you didn't know what went where. First you folded his pants and shirts, which were all black, seriously this guy owned only black clothing, but you guessed that made it easier to find matching clothes and who were you to judge you only owned two outfits. It was a little awkward when you got to his underwear,  
'So,' you thought to yourself while you folded a pair, 'he's a boxer briefs guy.'  
After you folded the clothes that were to be put in the chest of drawers, you hung his robes in the closet. His robes were strange, in some places they were cloth, but in other places they were a different kind of material that felt leathery, you ran your hand down one that you had just hung up. You wondered if he wore black because blood is harder to see on dark colors, you had always wished that the Stormtrooper suits weren't white.  
You finished with the closet and began to try to figure out where all of the rest of the clothes went. Thankfully it wasn't that hard, you just went through the drawers and saw where the clothes that were already in there were. When you were putting the last pair of pants away, which was in the top drawer, your eyes caught on the glint of silver in the very back of the drawer. You remembered your first day on the job, when you had been snooping around and you had found the box. You thought about grabbing it and seeing what was inside of it, but you had a strong feeling that whatever was inside was not meant for you to see, besides you wouldn't want to have someone going through your stuff. You finished and threw the laundry bag down the laundry chute, you grabbed your cleaning supplies and exited the room.  
On your way back you bumped into Nova who looked like she was also on her way back from work. You greeted each other with a smile and walked side by side to the supply closet where you dropped off your cleaning supplies, then you both made your way to the canteen.  
"So how was your day? Did anything exciting happen?" Nova asked as you both got in line to get your food.  
You shook your head, "No, just a normal day. Though I did fold Commander Ren's underwear, so thats pretty weird I guess," you said with a shrug.  
"That is pretty weird," Nova said, giggling under her breath.  
"How about you, how'd your day go? Anything exciting happen to you?" You asked.  
Nova sighed and her shoulders slumped, "No, Hux is so boring. All he does is look at me like I'm shit and tell me to re-clean things that aren't even dirty, he's such a clean freak. It drives me crazy!"  
You laughed, "At least you don't have to be afraid of being brutally murdered if you mess up."  
Nova nodded, "Good point."  
You got your food and went over to your guy's usual table, as you sat down you remembered the note that you had received this morning, you pulled the folded paper out of your pocket and slid it over the table to Nova.  
"I did receive this today, it was on Commander Ren's laundry bag," you told her, taking a bite of your food.  
Nova picked up the paper, unfolded it and read to herself. When she was finished she re-folded it and slid it back to you.  
"Why is he doing this? It's almost like he wants to see you more. Maybe he has a thing for you," she said, a sly smile on her face.  
You looked at her in surprise, then you snorted humorlessly.  
"Yeah right, he probably just wants to make my life hell after how I talked to him. And besides, under that mask could be a creepy old guy or something."  
Nova nodded, agreeing with you. "Still, its strange," she said as she stuck some food into her mouth, then she pointed at you with her fork. "You have to find out what's underneath that mask.''  
You rolled your eyes,"And how am I supposed to to do that?"  
She shrugged and moved her food around her plate with her fork, "I don't know, you could become his friend or something."  
This time you laughed out loud, "Are you joking? Commander Ren doesn't have friends, he eats his dinner in his room alone."  
"Speaking of the Commander's dinner, shouldn't you be getting on that? Its almost 6:00," she said, gesturing to the clock on the wall behind you.  
You looked over your shoulder at the clock, the time was a little past 5:40. You choked down the rest of your dinner, grimacing as the slimy mush slid down your throat.  
"Its really not fair that the commanders, generals and all the other officers get nice hot meals and the rest of us have to have this nasty shit," you complained as you stood up to leave.  
"Just be thankful that they feed us at all," Nova said.  
"I guess you're right," you said with a small grin. "Well, I'll see you later Nova,-oh, what's your room number?"  
"78," she said. "What's yours?"  
"52. Maybe we'll have to break the rules and have a sleepover one night."  
"That would be fun," she said with a wide smile, "See you latter (y/n)."  
You waved as you exited the canteen and headed to the kitchens. When you arrived, you noticed that the kitchen was a lot busier than they were last night. There were people running every which way with various cooking utensils in hand. You spotted the cook from last night and went over to him, weaving around people as you went. The cook saw you coming and before you could open your mouth to say something, he shoved the covered plater into your hands without a word. As you exited the kitchen you were almost positive that you saw some of the staff glancing at you oddly, you couldn't figure out why though.  
As you made your way to Commander Ren's room the pit in your stomach grew bigger and bigger. What was he going to say to you? What were you going to say to him? As you reached his door you paused to take a deep breath to calm your nerves and steady your shaking hands as you reached up to knock. But before you could rap your knuckles on the cold, black metal the door slid open on its own. From somewhere inside the room Commander Ren's voice sounded.  
"Enter."  
You held your head high as you walked into the dark room, the lights were off, the only light came from the window as the outside lights of the base reflected off of the snow, creating an eerie bluish glow in the room. Commander Ren was standing in front of the window with his back to you. Without a word, you set the plater on the nightstand. You turned to look at the Commander and suddenly you felt guilty for your outburst yesterday, you chewed on your bottom lip and considered just walking out the door. With a sudden burst of courage, you went over to him and stopped a foot away from him. You stood at his side, facing him,  
"Commander, I would just like to apologize for what I said last night, there is no excuse for the way I acted," you said with as much sincerity as you could muster.  
Commander Ren turned to face you. "Why are you apologizing? One should always mean what they say, otherwise your word means nothing," he said.  
Frustration fizzled inside you, what was wrong with him? You were just trying to be nice and he was making sound like by doing so, you did something wrong! And that damn mask made it impossible to talk to him like he was an actual being.  
"Listen, Commander, I'm just trying to make things right, I just wanted to look you in the eyes and admit that I had done something I shouldn't have, but I can't do that because of your mask," you said, keeping your voice as even and steady as possible. You were tired of not being able to see his face, you needed to know who exactly you were working for.  
Kylo Ren just stood there, he might have been looking at you, but you couldn't tell. Then to your complete and utter surprise his hands went to the sides of the helmet. You stood frozen in shock as he unlatched it and it made a hissing noise as the almost snout like piece of the mask slid up and slowly he pulled the helmet up and off his head...  
'Oh my gods...'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I hope y'all like this chapter! Let me know what you think!  
> Happy reading,  
> Chan_dragon<3


	6. Chapter VI

He wasn't an old man, or a different species, or hideously ugly. He was, in fact, young, very human, and he was the exact opposite of ugly. You knew that your mouth was hanging open, but all you seemed to be capable of doing at the moment was stare at him in shock. His skin was pale, he had a few freckles and moles scattered around his face, his face was long and defined as well as his nose, his eyes were a soft brown, he had thick, dark eyebrows, his black hair was about shoulder length, it was thick and curled a bit. His lips were full and pink, you realized that he had better lips than you did.  
"Are you going to stare at me all night or are you going to continue with your groveling?" He sneered.  
The sound of his unaltered voice snapped you out of your shock. Without the voice modulator in his mask his voice sounded deep and rich, you found that even without the modulator the sound of his voice still made goosebumps erupt on your skin and send shivers up your spine.  
You looked down at your feet and you hoped that he didn't see the blush that you could feel crawling up your neck and face.  
"I-I, uhm.." You didn't know why that suddenly you couldn't form a complete sentence. You gathered up what little dignity that you had left and looked him in the eyes.  
"All I wanted to say, Commander, was that I was out of line the way I spoke to you and I will except any form of punishment that you see fit," you said, and you inwardly winced, immediately regretting the last part.  
A low rumbling sound came from him and it took you a moment to realize that he was chuckling. The sound made you very uncomfortable, it was the most condescending laugh that you had ever heard.  
"Punishment? And what could I possibly do to you that would make your already pathetic life any more miserable than it is right now?" He asked, his lips pulled back in a sneer and his voice dripping with sarcasm.  
"You could kill me," you responded with barely contained rage. You knew that you should've kept your mouth shut, but he was making you so angry that you heard your blood rushing loud in your ears.  
You stared at him angrily as he seemed to think about the idea of murdering you, but then he shook his head, making his dark hair fall into his face and you had the strangest urge to reach up and fix it, but as quickly as it appeared it disappeared as he spoke again.  
"Killing you would not solve anything, in fact it would just be an inconvenience for me. I would have to find a new sanitizer to clean up all of my shit."  
You rolled your eyes and folded your arms, he wouldn't personally find another sanitizer, he would just order someone else to do it for him.  
What you wanted to say was, "So, you're too lazy to kill me?" But what you said instead was:  
"Yes Commander." You had to try really hard to not let any sarcasm sneak out of your mouth and into those two words.  
"This time there will be no consequences for your foolish actions," he said as he walked over to the plater of his forgotten dinner and picked it up, "But if you ever speak to me like that again, I will not think twice about crushing your skull." He then shoved the platter into your hands,  
"Take this away, I'm not going to eat it," he said.  
You looked at him in confusion, the smells that were wafting from under the lid was enough to make your mouth start to water. 'He's just going to waste perfectly good food, just because he's not hungry?' You thought to yourself. 'What a brat!'  
You watched as his jaw clenched and his eyebrows drew together, into an angry glare.  
You flinched as his arm struck out and he grabbed your left upper arm. His grip was tight and you had to keep yourself from wincing in pain. He pulled you as close to him as he could, with you still holding the tray between the two of you.  
"You should know that I have the ability to hear others thoughts, so I suggest that you keep the disrespectful thoughts to a minimum," he snarled, his voice deep and threatening.  
You were taken aback by this new pice of information. You knew of the force and you knew some of what the wielders of the force could, but you had no idea about the mind reading.  
It made you extremely frustrated that even your own private thoughts could be infiltrated and there was nothing that you could do about it. There were things that you didn't want anyone to know, especially not Kylo Ren. And judging by the look on his face, he had heard your comment about wasting food and calling him a brat.  
You yanked your arm out of his grip and scowled at him.  
"Get out of my head," you said through gritted teeth.  
He looked almost surprised at how easily you were able to get out of his grip. As a Stormtrooper you had been taught basic self defense and strength training, so too you it was almost a second nature, but Commander Ren didn't know that. As far as he knew you were just a lowly worker and you always had been, so your sudden display of strength had caught him off guard by the looks of his face. Though the look of surprise was quickly replaced with a scowl.  
"Trust me when I say that I want nothing to do with your incredibly dull thoughts as much as you do, but you think so loud, it's like you're thoughts are being filtered through an amplifier," he said, glaring at you like it was your fault that he could hear what you were thinking.  
"Well, I'm sorry that I'm screaming at you with my thoughts, but I don't really know if there's anything I could do about that," you said, this time you could not contain the sarcasm."  
"There is a way that you could shield your thoughts, but it takes extensive training and only the brightest of minds can accomplish that feat," he said, smirking down at you. "Something that your intellectually lacking mind couldn't possibly dream of doing."  
You shook your head in disgust, you couldn't believe that you had actually admired the Commander, because right now he was acting childish, bragging about his abilities and insulting your intelligence. His insults shouldn't have bothered you, you were used to it. While in Stormtrooper training you were constantly berated with insults from your superiors and your fellow Troopers. But you felt a strong desire to have his approval and you really weren't enjoying the feeling. Never in your life had you ever looked for anyone ones approval or praise, not even your commanding officers, except for your brother and Ghost, you didn't care if you had made anybody proud or not, you just did what you were ordered to the best of your abilities. But now you found that you were craving Kylo Ren's praise and approval and you had no idea why.  
"Well if my thinking is so annoying to you, why don't you teach me how to think quieter and shield my mind," you found yourself saying, it was like the words hadn't even traveled to your brain on their way to your mouth and you wished that you could take them back. There was no way in hell that he would agree to teaching you anything.  
Though by the look on his face, he almost seemed to be giving the idea some thought. After a few seconds he slowly nodded and looked at you with a look that made the hairs on your arms stand on end.  
"Fine," he said.  
You blinked up at him, your face blank. Surely you hadn't heard him right.  
"I'm sorry, what?" You asked.  
He rolled his eyes and sighed, "I said, fine, I'll teach you how to guard your mind. Only because your thoughts are so loud that I can hear them from long distances, its distracting and it's impossible for me to get any work done," he said.  
You didn't know how to respond, you didn't know if he was being serious or if he was just making fun of you. But his face didn't look like he was joking, and Commander Ren didn't seem like the type to joke anyways.  
"I-uh, but I wasn't being serious-"  
"We will meet for an hour every night after you deliver my dinner," he interrupted you.  
"We will start tomorrow. I'm not a kind teacher, do not expect me to go easy on you. You will do exactly as I say and you will not question my orders. Is that understood?" He said, his voice as cold and unfriendly as the weather outside of the bases walls.  
"Yes, sir," you barked, and you had to keep yourself from saluting, only a Stormtrooper or a person with rank saluted, you were neither.  
You were still not convinced that he was being serious, but you thought it best not to question him further, you had pushed your luck as it was.  
"You are dismissed," he said with a lazy wave of his gloved hand, "I expect you at exactly 6:00 tomorrow night."  
"Yes Commander Ren," you said. As you walked out of his room you could feel his eyes on you until the door closed. You dumped his dinner down the nearest garbage shoot, tray and all. You didn't feel like making a trip back to the kitchen, you were just way too tired and confused. You scolded yourself for being so nervous around him, you hadn't felt that way before, but as soon as he took off his mask it was like you couldn't remember how to form proper sentences. 

As you lay in bed you wondered what it would be like being taught by Kylo Ren. He was quite attractive, but he attitude kind of ruined it. But even so, you had felt like there was more to the Commander than it seemed and now that you had seen his face the feeling had grown stronger and you just knew... As you drifted into unconsciousness you wondered what tomorrow would bring, and you had to admit you were a little excited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I hoped you liked this chapter! Let me know if there's anything that I should be doing or if there's something I need to work on, constructive criticism is always welcome! Let me know if you liked this chapter, I love getting feedback!!  
> Happy reading,  
> Chan_dragon<3


	7. Chapter VII

The next morning you went about your work as per usual, you ate breakfast with Nova at your guy's usual table and you told her about last night. She was excited and just as surprised as you were to here about what Commander Ren looked like underneath his mask, and she gave you a knowing smirk when you casually mentioned how he was sort of attractive. You had decided not to tell her about Ren teaching you how to calm your mind, you still weren't sure if he was playing some sort of cruel trick on you. After breakfast you went to work, you were so used to doing the work that while your hands were doing the cleaning your mind wandered. You wondered, for the millionth time, if he was actually going to teach you, and if he was, why? You had just met the man, why did he seem so interested in you? You were just a lowly worker with no special abilities or anything. There was nothing significant about you that would justify someone like Kylo Ren to single you out in the slightest. With a sudden wave of dread a thought hit you. What if he knew about you being an ex-Stormtrooper. The rule was if a Stormtrooper wasn't capable to completing the training academy or was seen unfit as to continue being a trooper they were executed, end of story. Once you were deemed unfit to be a Stormtrooper you had no use, you were trained your whole life to become a soldier for the First Order and and if you couldn't do what you were ordered as a simple soldier then you couldn't be trusted to do anything else in the First Order. Another reason why rejected would-be Stormtroopers were executed was because of the information that they possessed, they knew battle formations and tactics, and if that information got into enemy hand it could potentially destroy the First Order. Though this didn't happen as often as you would expect, it was true that the risk of a trooper going rouge was higher than it would be than if the First Order used clones, but Hux stood firm in his beliefs that a real person could get the job done better and that his training regiments had little too no flaws.  
The only reason why you had been able to leave the front lines of the First Order was because you had help. You had become close with a person of very high rank and she was willing to aid you in getting out of the Stormtrooper corps undetected. You owed her your life, in more ways than one... You snapped out of your thoughts, in fear of Commander Ren being able to hear your thoughts. If he hadn't already figured it out, you didn't want him to find out yet.

You sat on the edge of your bed in your room, your legs crossed, your right leg bouncing off of your left leg. The nervousness movement causing the bed to screech on its stiff springs. The nervous pit in your stomach was growing larger and larger as you watched the minutes on the clock climb upward towards 6:00. You hadn't gone to dinner, you didn't want Nova to see how clearly nervous you were, you didn't want her to ask questions. And you didn't think that you could eat at the moment, your stomach was tying itself into knots. You didn't know why you were so nervous, before you had known the face under the mask you were hardly as scared and nervous around him as you should have been, but now it was like that now that you knew that he was actually a real man and you could put a face to the name instead of a unidentifiable mask, you could hardly even form a coherent sentence when you were talking to him.  
Not being able to sit any longer, you got up from your bed and went over to the full length mirror that sat in thee corner of your room. You thought how you'd much rather have a window like Commander Ren to look at than a mirror. You looked at yourself, you took your hair out of its bun and ran your fingers through it, you wished that you could leave your hair down, you looked better with your hair framing your face and it gave you a head ache when you had it up too long, but according to the First Order long hair wasn't professional looking. You put your hair back into a bun and ran your hands down your clothes, smoothing out the wrinkles as best you could, you wished that you had something more comfortable to wear than your uniform. You sighed at your appearance, this was as good as it was going to get. You glanced at the clock again and felt your heart jolt, it was time to go.  
When you got to the kitchen to get Kylo Ren's dinner, the cook handed you a smaller covered plater this time and when you touched it you noticed that the plastic plater wasn't warm like it usually was. It was then that you realized that Commander Ren could probably didn't have to eat what everybody else was eating, he could probably request whatever he felt like eating. So tonight he had evidently chosen a cold meal over a hot meal tonight. You shook your head, if you had a choice, you would never eat a cold meal ever again.  
By the time you got to his room your stomach felt like it was going to crawl out of your throat, you wondered if he would take off his mask again. Part of you wanted to see his face again, he was quite attractive and you could tell what he was actually thinking when you could see his face. The other part of you hoped that he kept the mask on so that you would be less nervous around him and you could pretend like he wasn't an actual person. You swallowed thickly and raised your sweating hand to knock, but before your fist hit metal the door slid open, the sound of the air compressor loud in your ears. You stepped into the dark room, there were no lights on and there was a snow storm outside blocking any light from coming through the window. When the door slid shut behind you the light from the corridor lights disappeared making the room almost completely dark. You stood just feet from the door letting your eyes adjust to the lack of light. Once your eyes did adjust it didn't make much of a difference, you could only make out dark shapes where you knew furniture was. You cautiously made your way over to the nightstand to place the tray down, you went slowly in fear of bumping into something.  
"Commander Ren?" You softly called out.  
You knew he was here, the door hadn't opened on its own, well technically it had, but someone had opened it without touching the door. But you received no response, you squinted trying to make out a human shape in the blackness, but you couldn't see anything.  
"Commander Ren, why are the lights off? I can't see anything," you said.  
A bolt of fear shot through you as you realized that this might be a trap, he might know everything and he was planing on killing you. You spun around to make your escape, but you slammed into something, or rather someone.  
"If I wanted you dead, you would already be in pieces on the floor," a deep rumble came from his chest and you jumped back in surprise and scrunched up your nose as you had smacked into his chest pretty hard.  
You were glad that it was dark so that he couldn't see the blush that you could feel rising on your face and neck, though maybe he could see in the dark, maybe that was something that force users could do.  
"I, uh... brought you your dinner," you said and you mentally faced palmed at how pathetic you sounded.  
You couldn't see him, but you could tell by the sound of his voice that he wasn't wearing his mask, but you could feel him looking down at you and it made you squirm. You couldn't bear the silence any longer, so you asked the first thing that came to your mind.  
"Why is it so dark? I can't see a thing."  
You saw his form move over to the covered tray on his nightstand.  
"It is better to mediate when it's dark, there's less things to distract you that way," he said, his voice less cynical than usual.  
You nodded, it made sense. You heard the trays top being lifted and set down, he must be eating his dinner. Your stomach growled as you remembered that you had skipped dinner and you realized how hungry you were.  
"Did you eat dinner?" He asked.  
Your faced heated up again, you cursed your body for giving you away.  
"No," you answered reluctantly.  
"You can't concentrate with an empty stomach," he said, sounding slightly annoyed. There was a slight pause before you watched as he moved towards you in a few long strides until he was directly in front of you.  
"Hold your hands out," he demanded.  
"What?" You asked, confused and untrusting. You could almost feel him rolling his eyes.  
"Just do it," he said with a loud annoyed sigh.  
You still weren't sure what he was trying to do, but you did as you were told and held out your hands cautiously. You started when you felt cold metal being pressed into your outstretched hands. Your fingers closed around a wide metallic cylinder, it was cold and it had some weight to it. You guessed that it was some sort of cup.  
"What is this?" You asked.  
"It's a sort of drink," he said, "it gives you energy and it fills your stomach, so drink"  
You felt wary about drinking something that you had no idea what it was or what it looked like, but you were hungry and besides, what could be worse than the mush that your were eating on a daily basis? You mentally shrugged and put the cup to your lips and gulped to big mouthfuls.  
The liquid was chilled and smooth, almost like milk, but it tasted slightly sweet. It wasn't the worst thing that you had ever tasted. You licked your lips and handed the cup back, you could hear him gulp down the rest of the contents.  
"Now, there are two mates by the window, go sit on the one facing the wall," he said.  
You turned on your heel and started walking slowly over to the window. You still couldn't see much of anything so as you passed by the bed your foot caught on the corner of the bed frame and with a yelp you started to tumble face first to the ground, but before you got far you felt a pair of hands grab you shoulders, keeping you from having a unpleasant meeting with the cold floor. The warmth of his hands on your shoulders seeped down into your arms and it made your hands tingle, the feeling was not unpleasant and it made your heart pick up speed. But he pulled his hands away and the feeling disappeared along with them.  
"Watch where you're going," he warned his voice full of distaste.  
You wanted to spit back that you could watch anything because you could see anything, but you bit your tongue and kept walking. You made it to the mats and sat down cross legged on your assigned one, you felt the material with your hands, it was smooth, soft and it was slightly squishy, like foam.  
You heard Commander Ren sit down on the mat in front of you, and with you guys being next to the window you could now make out a little more detail than before, like you could now see that Commander Ren wasn't wearing his usual attire of black robes, but in a simple black turtle neck and loose fitting black pants, you realized that it was the most dressed down and relaxed as you had ever seen him, it made you feel overdressed in your uniform jumpsuit.  
"Stop worrying about what you are wearing, it doesn't matter as long as you are comfortable," he said.  
You flushed as you realized that he could hear your thoughts. You weren't uncomfortable in your uniform, but your head ached slightly as a result of the tight bun your hair was in, you decided that since he said to get comfortable to take your hair down. You reached up and pulled the long pin out of your hair that was keeping it on top of your head. You sighed as your hair tumbled around shoulders in silky waves and the fresh scent of your shampoo floated around you. You gave your hair a good fluff and stuck the pin into your pocket.  
"Okay, I'm ready now," you said.  
For a few moments there was nothing but silence, you grew confused and looked up at him. He was just sitting there staring at you with a strange look on his face, though you couldn't really tell because of the bad lighting.  
"Commander?" You asked.  
Your questioning tone seemed to jolt him back from wherever his thoughts had wondered, because the look vanished and he sat up straighter and placed his hands on his knees. You mimicked his movements and looked at him for further instructions.  
"First rule of meditation, calm your mind," he said, closing his eyes and taking a slow breath.  
You didn't know how you were supposed to be calm when one of the most powerful beings in the First Order was sitting right in front of you, but you copied his movements and closed your eyes. As soon as your eyes closed your other senses went into overdrive, you were hypersensitive of to the fact that Commander Ren was only a foot away and that with the smallest of movements he could end your life, you knew that if he decided to attack that you would be helpless, you were fast and agile so you might be able to escape from the room, but he was faster and you wouldn't get very far-  
"I said, calm your mind," he growled, pulling you out of your frantic thoughts.  
You sighed in frustration and opened your eyes too see him glaring at you, the shadows on his face made his face look sharper and more menacing and you found it oddly alluring.  
"How am I supposed to do that?" you asked, your frustration growing.  
"Stop thinking about useless things," he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
You rolled your eyes, "That's a lot harder than it sounds."  
"Well, it would be a lot easier if you actually tried," he said through gritted teeth, then softer he added, "Just focus on something that drives you, something that you're passionate about."  
You wanted to say that you weren't passionate about anything, you weren't that fond of your job, Nova was your only friend, but you only saw her at meals and you weren't passionate about the First Order, but you kept that to yourself, you had a feeling that Ren would not like to hear an excuse out of you. So you closed your eyes and just tried to think as little as possible, you took slow, deep breaths and tried to relax...

_You blinked the mixture of sweat, dust and blood out of your eyes, you had ditched your helmet a few feet back, it was useless now, the comlink inside of it was busted, the lenses were cracked, and the air filtration system was clogged. You staggered around the battle field, dodging blaster bullets, flaming debris, fights between First Order troopers and Resistance fighters, and bodies. Every where you looked there were bodies strewn on the ground, the Stormtroopers were easier to spot with the fire light from burning engines reflecting off of their white armor. Every trooper you passed you checked their ID numbers on the wrist guards on their armor, praying every time that it wasn't the ID you were looking for. As you stumbled along, wheezing and coughing from the thick oily smoke that filled the air, your foot caught on something and you tumbled face first onto the ground, there was a sharp pain on thee right side of your face and when you sat up groaning you touched your gloved hand to your face, when you pulled it away you saw crimson liquid, you hoped the cut wasn't deep, you didn't want to pass out from blood loss. You looked back at what had caused you to fall, it was another Stormtrooper body, you scooted over on your knees and turned his arm over so that you could read the ID tag. You gasped when you read the numbers, you yanked off his helmet to reveal the face. It was Jax, your brother Eli's best friend and a member of your squadron. A blaster bolt had pierced through his chest armor, his eyes stared blankly up into the night sky, you checked for a pulse but found none._  
_"Damn it, Jax," you croaked out. Jax and Eli were inseparable so if Jax was hear Eli must not be far. You stood up and did a slow 360, you came to a halt when you spotted about 30 feet to your left a vicious fight between three Troopers and several Resistance fighters, you had only noticed because one of the Trooper's helmet was missing and you could see the flaming color of his red hair from where you stood, you started sprinting towards the fight, you could recognize that red hair anywhere. As you ran the uneven terrain slowed you down and you had to weave around debris, you watched the troopers and Resistance fighters exchange fire and you watched as the troopers picked of the fighters one by one, your spirits lifted, your brother was alive and it looked like the odd were with the First Order. Then a Resistance fighter fatally shot one trooper then the other, your heart sank as Eli fired shot after shot, but ever single bolt missed the fighter. Then you watched in helpless horror as Eli's blaster seemed to jam you saw him look around for cover but there was no where to hide. You watched as the fighter took aim, you screamed and directed your own blaster at the fighter, you took the shot, but not before the fighter had fired his blaster._  
_"ELI!!" You screamed at the top of your lungs, but it was too late. The fighters blaster bullet ripped through your brothers chest._  
_"Nooo!" The sound that came out of you barely sounded human, but you didn't care. You pumped your legs as hard as you could, you hardy registered that your blaster bolt had been a direct hit to the fighters abdomen and that he was bleeding out on the ground. Your skidded to your little brother's side, kneeling down and cradling his head in your lap. The life was draining out of him fast, but his eyes locked onto yours and he gave you a small smile._  
_"Eli," you whispered, "I'm so sorry, I was supposed to protect you, I'm sorry." Tears rolled down your face and it felt like your heart was being slowly ripped out of your chest._  
_"Y/n... love you..." He croaked out, you could barely hear him over the sound of the battle._  
_You stroked his sweaty red hair and choked back a sob, "I love you too."_  
_He shuddered violently then he went limp in your arms, his eyes stared up at you unseeing, you sobbed and closed his eyes with your fingers. You hugged him to you, rocking back and forth, feeling as if the world was crumbling down around you. Then with a surge of utter rage you sprang up and stalked over to the fighter that had murdered your brother, you picked up your blaster and aimed at him. He was already dead, but you didn't care, you pulled the trigger and you shot him again and again and again. You mutilated him until he was no longer recognizable as a human body. Then you through down the blaster and went back over to Eli's body, you crumpled to a heap over his chest, you didn't care how long it took, you would kill as many Resistance fighters as you could, you would avenge your brother's death._

You gasped and opened your eyes, you remembered why you had decided to stay with the First Order, you realized your purpose, your passion, the reason you woke up in the morning. Revenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the late update. I had a busy week and I didn't have a lot chances to write. I'm not very happy with this chapter, but I wanted to give you something. So let me know what you think, feed back is always great! Also I'm emotionally destroyed because of the Walking Dead, so blame the Walking Dead writers for the late update!  
> Anyways, happy reading,  
> Chan_dragon<3


	8. VIII

You gasped, you felt like you couldn't get air into your lungs fast enough. The room was spinning and you barely registered that you were no longer sitting on the ground, but laying curled up on the floor. You had no idea what had happened, one second you were trying to calm your mind and the next you were in the middle of a dream or some sort of flash back to a time that you had tried hard to forget. You had had nightmares before, but never of your brothers actual death, just of the events leading up to and after it. And you had never had a dream so vivid, so real it felt like you were actually reliving it all over again.  
You didn't notice that you were where you were until you felt a gentle hand on your shoulder, the feeling jerked you the rest of the way out of your stupor and you sat up with an intensity that made you head spin. You looked around, panicking over taking your body when you couldn't remember where you were, when your eyes landed on the dark figure kneeling in front of you, you screamed and scooted backwards on your hands and feet until your back was pressed up against the wall.  
"Y/n, it's okay. It's me, Kylo. You're okay," his voice was soft and filled with what could only be described as concern.  
The sound of his voice coaxed you out of your panicked state and you slowly began to remember where you were and who you were with. You watched as Commander Ren slowly made his way over to you, cautiously, like he was afraid that you would bolt like a caged animal. "Are you alright?" He asked, his arm outstretched, like he wanted to put a comforting hand on your shoulder. You let him, and when you didn't pull away he came closer and put both hands on your shoulders and looked directly into your eyes. It was dark in the room, but you could not deny what you saw, the eyes that you were looking into now we're not the same eyes that had glared at you with such distaste just a few days ago. The face that was filled with concern couldn't have been the same face that had done so many horrible things, you were sure of it. The person sitting in front of you right now was the real Kylo Ren, the on underneath the darkness and the mask, the man behind the terrible red light saber.  
You opened your mouth to say that you were alright, but what came out instead was something you hadn't done in a long time, you sobbed. You were barely in control of your body as you fell on to Kylo Ren's chest, you were expecting him to push you away and force you to leave, but instead you felt two warm, arms wrap around you and hold you. The feeling was so unexpected and overwhelming that it made you cry harder, it had been such a long time since you had been held while you cried. He didn't say anything, he just held you while the sobs wracked your body and your tears stained the front of his shirt, you held onto him like he was the only thing keeping you from drowning in a flood of sadness and regret.  
You don't know how long you stayed like that, but after a while your sobs subsided into hiccups and aftershock quivering. You took a few deep, trembling breaths, inhaling Kylo Ren's pleasant, masculine scent, and it calmed you, it made you feel... safe. You supposed that it was pretty odd for you to feel safe in the arms of one of the most feared men in the galaxy, who's very name struck fear into the hearts of even the bravest of people, but you couldn't help but feel that while his arms were around you, nothing could harm you. You were almost afraid to pull away, afraid that if his arms were no longer holding you together that you might fall apart, and afraid of what you would see. Would he be looking at you like you were the most pathetic creature that he had ever seen, you didn't know if you could handle a disapproving glare from him sat the moment.  
When you did sum up the courage to pull away, you did so awkwardly. You clumsily tried to pull back, but you lost you balance and fell backwards onto your butt. Kylo Ren stood up and silently offered you his hand. You took it, when you slipped your smaller hand into his larger one you realized for the first time that he wasn't wearing his gloves and the touch of his bare skin on yours sent a spark of energy running up and down your arm, you wondered if he felt it as well. You also noticed that the lights had been turned on, but with a softer dimmer light than the usual harsh ones that you were used to. You looked up into the dark eyes of Commander Ren and tried to read his face, but it was as blank and impassive as his mask.  
"Sorry," you cringed at the sound of your voice, it was rough and hoarse and sounded weak.  
"What happened?" He asked, taking a step back and looked at you with new found curiosity.  
You hesitated, you shouldn't tell him, you didn't have to tell him anything. If he learned of your past, he could fire you or just flat out kill you, but if he wanted you gone you would have been a while ago, and the weight of it all felt like it was going to crush you any second. You hadn't talked about your past or your brother's death to any one, ever. You needed to let it out and say it out loud, so you went against every sane part of you that was screaming at you not to trust Kylo Ren, you went over to his bed and sat down on the edge, not really caring if he would get upset by it or not. You took a deep breath and told him everything.  
"I come from the planet Coruscant. My father was connected to some very important people in the First Order, he was the owner of a large weapons development company that provided the First Order with weapons and as a result we were very well off. We were a happy family, then my brother was born. I was only four when Eli was born, but as soon as I saw his wrinkled little face and held his tiny hand I knew that I would do anything to protect him. When my father saw that he had a son he told my mother that Eli would serve as a soldier to the First Order. My mother pleaded with him, begging him not to give my brother away to be trained as a mindless soldier, but my father told her that by fighting for the First Order, Eli would be bringing his family a great honor. I would lay awake at night, listening to my parents arguing and gazing at Eli peacefully sleeping in the cot next to mine, and I would cry knowing that if he became a Stormtrooper, I would never see him again. Finally my mother convinced my father that if her son had to be sent away, so would her daughter. I remember pressing my ear against their bedroom door and listening to their arguing. My mother said that if Eli was sent away from his family then I would go with him so that he had someone to watch over him. My father argued that my brother and I might not even be in the same training group or the same squadrons and that I was too old to be enrolled in the training, the First Order only took infants so that they could train them into adulthood. My mother said that my father knew people and he could pull some strings to get me in and to ensure that me and Eli would be together. So that's exactly what happened. I remember the ship that came to take me and my brother away, it was dark and it bolted out the sun, casting a shadow over us. My father lead me onto the ship and strapped me into a cold metal seat, he lent down and kissed the top of my head, 'make your family proud,' was all he said. Then my mother carried my brother aboard, wrapped in a pale blue blanket, he was sound asleep as she placed him into my arms. She knelt down and gazed at us with tears and love in her eyes, she kissed and hugged us both, and she whispered in my ear something I would never forget."  
"Take care of your brother, make sure that he stays on the right path."  
You had to pause to choke back a sob that was crawling up your throat, then you took a steadying breath and continued.  
"My brother and I were trained together and as we grew, I always looked out for him, I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone else, he was the only thing that I cared about, the only reason why I was okay with becoming a pawn to the First Order. We graduated from the academy with flying colors and when we were assigned to our squadron it didn't take long for us to become a sort of family. When we were assigned our first battle, our squadron moved so well together that we felt like a well oiled death machine, the First Order was successful that day in eliminating a village that was secretly aiding the Resistance. Afterwards, everyone else celebrated, but I just couldn't bring myself too. I didn't feel a sense of joy or pride of what I had done, I had killed people, I had looked at them and made the decision to end their lives. Of course I told myself that I didn't have a choice and that I was just following orders, but that brought no relief to the incredible guilt that I felt. But the worst part wasn't my guilt, the thing that crushed my heart was the lack of guilt my brother felt. I had just watched him saluter men, woman and children and then I watched him celebrate and act like nothing as evil as cold blooded murder had even occurred. I couldn't help but feel like I had let my mother down, despite my attempts to shelter him and protect him from becoming a brainwashed soldier, Eli had become a killing machine. I still loved him though, more than anything. When we got deployed to a planet that none of us had ever heard of to take it from the Resistance, we thought it was just going to be a simple mission like we had done so many times before, but just a few hours after we arrived we quickly learned that we were deadly mistaken. The Resistance's forces outnumbered our two to one, my squadron tried to stay together as best as we could, but it was chaos and before long I lost sight of Eli. I made a stupid decision to spit off from what remained of my squadron to look for my brother. I was injured in a explosion and my comlink was fried, so I had no way of communicating with anyone, but I eventually spotted my brother, but it was too late, a Resistance fighter shot him through the heart as I watched. There are no words to describe how I felt, it felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest and it was slowly being squeezed until it turned into dust. I don't really remember much of what happened afterwards, it's all a blur. But I remember that I fell into a deep depression and soon after my brother's death I was deemed unfit to continue being a Stormtrooper. I was be terminated, and I welcomed it. I had failed the only mission that really mattered, the only mission I ever cared about, protecting my little brother, at the time I felt like there was no point in living anymore, I never wanted to serve the First Order, at least not by killing for them. And with Eli gone, there was nothing to distract me from the terrible things that I had done. I began to have nightmares where I would see the faces of all of those that had met their end by my hand.   
But someone was looking out for me and wouldn't allow me to be killed, someone with a lot of power. They tampered with the official records to make it look like I was dead, then they gave me a new identity and put me to work in the sanitation department and now I'm here, telling my life story to Commander Kylo Ren."  
You sat nervously on his bed, breathing heavier than usual. You didn't know why you had told him everything, but it felt good to let it all out. But the biggest mystery was why Kylo Ren had stood there and let you ramble on? Surly he would have interrupted you and told you that he didn't give a flying fuck about you or your life, but instead he listened and didn't say anything. You looked at him and wondered what he was thinking, his face was unreadable for the most part, but you could tell that he wasn't angry or going to slice you in half with his saber. You noticed how soft and human he looked, he didn't resemble the fierce, dark warrior that sent his enemies running for their lives at all, and you found yourself wanting him to hold you again.   
"Why did you stay? If you were free to go, why didn't you go home to your parents?" He asked,  genuine curiosity in his voice.  
You shook your head, "I don't even know if my parents are still alive, let alone if they still live on Coruscant, and even if I did know where they were, I haven't seen them since I was four, they would be strangers to me," then in a quieter voice you added, "I don't think I could face my mother and tell he that I wasn't strong enough to protect her son."  
Kylo nodded like he understood. Then he came over and joined you on the bed, he sat next to you and you could feel the warmth radiating off of him and you had to fight the urge to lean into him.  
"You aren't weak, I can feel a great strength in you, it's just buried under layers of grief and regret, but I want to help you tap into that strength," he said, he wasn't looking at you, but you could tell that he was being serious.  
"But only if you want to, you have to want to become great, something much more than you ever were," he said, but this time while looking at you.   
The look in his eyes set a fire in you chest, he looked to sure of him self and sure of you, he obviously saw something inside of you that you couldn't. You wanted so much to live that there was something more to you and that you were capable of greatness and that your destiny wasn't scrubbing toilets for the rest of your life.  
"I want to," you said, looking into his eyes and giving him a small smile.  
He almost smiled back, but then he abruptly stood up and you followed suit.  
"Then it is decided, I will continue teaching you how to access the deepest parts of your mind and unlock your potential, you will continue to come to my quarters at 6:00," he said.  
"Yes, Commander," you said, respectively.  
"There is no need to call me Commander, Kylo will do just fine from now on," he said.  
You smiled, excited to be on a first name basis with the Commander.   
"Now, you should get some sleep, so you'll be ready for tomorrow's lesson, don't expect it to be as easy as tonight's first lesson."  
You just nodded, thinking that tonight was one of the hardest things that you had been through in a while.   
"Thank you," you told him, not sure of what else to say with out making it weird.   
Kylo just nodded silently and watched you as you made your way to the door. As the door slid open you looked over your shoulder and made eye contact, making your heart beat faster.   
"Good night, Kylo" you said.  
"Good night, Y/n  
.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys... I know, I'm really late, but school and work are really kicking my ass right now :(   This chapter sucks, but I just wanted to get a little more backstory going. I know I'm dragging it out a bit, but I want it to be a little more realistic than having you and Kylo fall in love in two days, sorry. Also sorry if there are any spelling/grammar mistakes, I literally just finished this chapter and I'm too tired too proofread and edit haha 


	9. IX

The next week went by in a blur, you spent your mornings cleaning Kylo's quarters then returning to his room in the evenings to train in 'unlocking your mind's potential', that's what the called it anyways. The first few lessons were a disaster, you just couldn't seem to block Kylo from getting into your head and seeing your thoughts. It was frustrating for both of you, but Kylo seemed to take it personally when you slipped up and did something wrong, then he would get angry and tell you that you weren't trying hard enough. Then you would get angry and tell him that you were trying and that you wanted him to stop hearing your thoughts as much as he did.  
You had never talked about what had happened that first night, he had never asked you again about your past and that you were thankful for, you didn't want to think about your past any more than necessary. But you also didn't talk about his show of kindness that night, you had thought about it every night since it happened, but he acted like it didn't even happen. You couldn't stop thinking about how it felt to have his arms around you and the feelings that bubbled up when you thought about him or when you were around him. You were confused by these feelings, you had respect for him and you were curious about him, but you also felt something more for him, you weren't sure if you wanted to think of him as a friend or something more. You knew it was wrong and that he would never even consider being with someone as plain as you, hell, you didn't even know if he thought about anybody in that way, he didn't seem like the type to be in a romantic relationship. But you still couldn't help the feelings that managed to surface through all of your armor that you had put up when your brother died.  
You supposed that you could blame those feelings for keeping you from concentrating on closing off your mind from unwanted intruders, and that unwanted intruder was Kylo. You weren't doing a very good job at keeping him out, you could feel him shuffling through your thoughts, getting angrier and more irritated by the second. You gritted your teeth and tried to focus on building up a mental wall in your mind, blocking him out. But every time you got a wall up, Kylo tore right through it like it was nothing. Finally frustration overcame him and Kylo burst up from his seat on the ground with a snarl.   
"You're not even trying to keep me out!!"  
You jumped, startled from his sudden outburst. You opened your eyes to see him standing in front of you, glaring down at you. You saw how his hands clenched into fists and his chest heaving with barely controlled rage. You, on the other hand, sat on the floor, sweat dripping down your back , too exhausted to stand at the moment. You had been going at it for what felt like hours.  
"I am trying," you said, rolling your eyes, "I'm tired and my brain feels like it's been beaten with a rock."  
"Then use that pain and frustration to keep me out," he said.  
"But, I-"   
"Do as I say!!" He roared, and you could see the veins in his neck bulge and you knew that you were walking on very thin ice, so you decided to do as you were told. You closed your eyes and concentrated on building a wall around your thoughts. Then you felt Kylo's presence, he began early to tear at your wall, breaking through your berries as easily as his saber sliced through his enemies. You felt him in your mind, roughly taking sifting through the your thoughts. The pain was intense and made you want to cry out, but instead you gritted your teeth and put all your effort into trying to push him out. It wasn't working though, he barely even wavered at your attempts to get him out, finally you couldn't take the pain and frustration any more and you let out a scream, letting it flow through your body and take control of your actions. You felt all of the anger you felt towards Kylo reinforce your wall and lock it into place. And after a few moments you realized that you no longer felt his presence in your mind, you felt him beyond your wall, trying to get in, but to no avail. You felt a thrill of joy when you realized that you had done it, but that almost made you loose focus and you quickly concentrated on maintaining your wall. You felt Kylo throwing himself against your wall trying to break it down, and you quickly became exhausted from the effort it took to keep him out. Seconds later your defenses broke as you succumbed to your exhaustion and Kylo once again invaded your mind. But he quickly receded, and you opened you eyes slowly, your eyelids felt like lead and your head felt like a million pounds. You were breathing hard and sweat drenched your clothes, but you felt a sense of happiness, you had finally succeeded in blocking out Kylo, if only for a few seconds. When you gathered up the strength to lift your head and look at Kylo, who was being oddly quiet, you saw that he was looking at you with a strange expression. You gave him a weak smile.  
"I did it," you said.  
He nodded slowly. "Yes, but you need to build up your strength."  
You snorted, "Yeah, but do you think that could wait till tomorrow? If I try to do that again, I'm going to pass out."   
"Yes... of course..." He said, absentmindedly, like his thoughts were preoccupied at the moment.  
You sighed with relief and pulled yourself from your sitting position on the floor, you winced as your tense muscles stretched out. As soon as you got to your feet the room started to spin and you lost your balance. You reached out to steadied yourself on the nearest object which happened to be Kylo. You grabbed his upper arm with both of your hands to keep yourself from falling over.  
"For someone who used to be a highly trained soldier, you are very uncoordinated," he said, smirking condescendingly down at you.  
You immediately let go and angrily glared at him, "I'm just spent hours attempting to keep you out of my head, and as a result my brain feels like it's been melted, my head feels like it's about to explode and I'm physically and emotionally drained. You call this 'training', but it feels more like you using me as your personal punching bag, so I think that I'm allowed to be a little unstable on my feet," you snapped, you guessed you still had some frustration left.   
He looked at you like you had said something completely ridiculous.   
"I told you that I wouldn't go easy on you. You won't learn anything if I held back," he said, his voice low and you could tell that he was seconds away from loosing it, but you honestly didn't care at this point.  
You scoffed, "The only thing I've learned is that you are stronger than me and you like to painfully remind me!" You shouted, you were not going to take any more of his bullshit.  
You could see the exact moment when your words pushed him over the edge, his face contorted into a fierce snarl and before you could blink his red light saber was out and within an inch of your face.  
"Then you are weaker than I thought," he growled.  
The room was silent, except for the eerie hum of his saber, which was pointed directly at your face, it was so close that you could feel the heat coming form it. You had never seen it this up close and you notice that the blade wasn't a pure beam of glowing light, it was sparking and flashing almost like it was broken or something. You wondered if it would hurt if he used it to chop off your head. You looked him straight in the eye, the red light from his saber made his face look murderous.  
"Do it," you whispered, "Kill me, I know you want to. Do it and prove me right that I'm nothing more than a punching bag to you, just something that you can dump all of your anger and frustration on. Well I'm done with it, so just get it over with and kill me!" You shouted, holding out your arms, giving him a clear shot at your heart.  
You flinched as he dove towards you and braced yourself for the sting of a light saber through the the heart, but it never came. Instead he pushed passed you and attacked the wall behind you. You watched silently as he pummeled the wall with his saber, sparked flying every where as he created gashes in the walls, the metal meting and glowing red where the saber slide through it. He roared like a child having a tantrum. It lasted for a few seconds, when he stopped assaulting the wall he stood, still facing the destroyed wall, shoulders heaving and hands shaking.  
"Leave," he said, his voice dead and emotionless.  
You didn't answer or move, you were in shock. You had heard about his fits, but you had never experienced one first hand and know that you had just witnessed one you found them sort of terrifying.   
"I said, LEAVE!!" He roared, spinning around to face you with an out stretched hand. You felt yourself being blasted backwards violently and with enough force to send you flying across the room. You landed hard on your side, and your head crashed into the door with thud that had your ears ringing. You wheezed to try to get back the air that was knocked out of your lungs, and pulled yourself up. You looked at Kylo and for the first time since you had met him you felt hatred towards him, and you saw the monster that everyone said that he was. You saw something flash in his eyes, something that almost looked like regret, but you didn't stick around to confirm. You pressed the button to open the door and as soon as it opened wide enough you slipped out and fled form his room as fast as your wobbly legs could carry you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry that this chapter is late and short. I hope you like it though, let me know what you think, and if you have any suggestions I'd love to hear them! Hope you all have an amazing week!  
> Happy reading,  
> Chan_dragon<3


	10. X

You woke up to the sound of your alarm blaring noisily. You tried to sit up, but a sharp pain shot up your left side, causing you to gasp and fall back down onto your mattress. Immediately the events of last night came flooding back and with it the realization that your whole body was in pain. Your head felt like it had been bashed in, your whole left side felt like it was on fire and the rest of you felt so sore that you weren't sure if you would be able to get up. The images of Kylo and his evil light saber flashed before your eyes, the way his face had looked when he had force pushed you so violently was branded into your mind. His face was so twisted and etched with rage and malice that he hardly seemed human, he had shown no remorse as he had tossed you around like you were nothing. You knew that you needed to get to the infirmary, you were pretty sure that you had at least one broken rib and a minor concussion, but you weren't sure if you'd be able to get there on your own. It wasn't far, but your limbs felt like they were locked in a vise of pain. You had no way of calling anyone to come and help you, but even if you did, you didn't want anyone to see you like this. If someone saw a simple worker looking like they had been beaten up, they would ask questions. And you didn't want people asking questions because if the truth came out that you were being trained by Kylo, you knew that if anybody asked Kylo about you he would deny ever even knowing you and you would be punished severely for lying. You didn't even want Nova to find out about this, you trusted her but you knew that if she saw you like this she would want to tell someone about it for your own safety, and the last thing you needed was to bring that kind of attention to yourself.  
You were going to have to do this yourself. You started with slowly moving your arms and legs to get the circulation back, wincing and hissing as your sore limbs moved. When your legs felt good enough that you were mostly sure that you wouldn't crumple to the floor as soon as you put weight on them, you decided to try to sit up again. You braced yourself on your elbows and used your forearms and hands to slowly push yourself into a sitting position. You had to bite your lip to keep yourself from crying out as white hot bolts of pain shot up your side. By some miracle you managed to get off your bed and stand somewhat upright. You were slightly hunched over on your left and when you tried to take a step your right leg couldn't hold as much weight as your left, but at least you could walk. You managed to make it to the door without much pain, but it was a long walk to the infirmary for someone in the state that you were in. You glanced at your clock, everyone would be at breakfast for at least ten more minutes, the corridors would be relatively empty, if you were going to get to the infirmary, without being stopped and questioned, you had to leave now. The first couple of yards were somewhat manageable, but at about the halfway mark the pain in your side and head started to become unbearable, you had begun to sweat and your breaths were coming in short bursts, causing even more pain to your ribs. You had to pause and steady yourself with a hand to the corridor wall.   
'I can do this,' you thought to yourself, 'I've had worse injuries than this, I can handle a few broken ribs and a concussion.'  
Shortly, you stumbled into the infirmary and over to a nearby medical droid.  
"Hello, how can I aid you?" It inquired in a cheerful, robotic, masculine voice.  
"I think I have a concussion and a broken rib," you gasped out and swayed on your feet, trying to keep your balance as the room seemed to be tilting.   
"Please, have a seat on my examining table," the droid said, motioning to a metal table behind him.  
You did your best not to whimper as your ribs protested to your movements as you laid yourself on the cold metal table. The droid hovered over you buzzing and beeping as he poked and prodded you with various medical tools. The droid took an X-ray of your ribs and shone a bright light into your eyes. He projected the X-ray pictures onto the wall next to you and you could see that you did indeed have at least two cracked ribs on your left side.   
"You have three fractured ribs and a minor concussion," the droid confirmed. "I'm going to wrap up your chest tightly so that your ribs will heal correctly, and I will proscribed a supplement for the pain and your concussion. You will have to wrap your chest for at least three weeks in order for your ribs to heal as quickly as possible."  
After he had wrapped up your ribs as tightly as you could bare and you had received your pills, you were sent on your way with the instructions to get a lot of rest and to stay off of your feet as much as you could, but you didn't know how you were going to manage that what with your job requiring you to be on your feet pretty much all day. Though the last thing that you wanted to do was to go back to Kylo's room, but you didn't want to make him more pissed off at you than he already was, so you downed two of the pain killer pills and got on with your work.  
The pain killers worked quickly and by the time you arrived at Kylo's quarters the pain in your head and side were reduced to a dull throb that was a lot more manageable than the amount of pain you were in earlier. You entered the room and promptly almost had a heart attack when you saw movement at the far end of the room, but you calmed when you quickly realized that it was just a repair droid. It was working on restoring the destroyed bit of wall that Kylo had slashed with his saber. A shudder went down your spine as you realized that if he had wanted Kylo could have made you look like that wall, but there would be no repairing you. As you went about your work, you did your best to stay out of the droids way, but it paid you no attention and as soon as it had finished, it rolled out of the room without a sound. That's what you liked about droids, they didn't ask questions and they only did what they were programmed to do, for the most part at least. You inspected the chunk of wall that had been repaired, where there was once gaping slashes in the metal, there was now only silver steel that looked the same as the rest of the wall. In fact, if you hadn't known that there had been damage there, you wouldn't have been able to guess that the wall had repaired at all. There wasn't even a scratch in the metal, you wondered how many times the walls in this room had been restored.   
It took you a lot longer to clean than it usually did, thanks to your fractured ribs that constricted your movements and made it difficult to complete even the smallest of tasks. By the time you got done, you could feel the pain medication wearing off and you had left the bottle in your room. As you made your way back, you tried hard to not grimace in pain so that passersby wouldn't stop and ask questions. You breathed a sigh of relief when you got to your room and downed another two pills, but your elation was cut short when your stomach cramped and moaned, and you realized that you were starving, you hadn't eaten all day and the pain had masked your hunger. You were hungry, but you weren't looking forward to going to the canteen, you knew that you wouldn't be able to avoid seeing Nova and she would definitely be able to tell that something was up. You couldn't tell her what had happened, she would freak out and besides she couldn't do anything more than tell you what you already knew, that you should try to get as far away from him as you possibly could and get assigned elsewhere. You didn't like it, but you would have to lie to her, you would tell her that you fell while trying to clean something up high or something.   
It didn't take long for her to notice that you were injured, in fact, you swore that it was the first thing that she saw when you walked into the room.  
"What the hell happened to you?" She asked before you had even sat down at the table.  
You tried not to grimace in pain as you sat, the pain mess hadn't kicked in all the way yet. Instead you tried for a smile and waved your had dismissively, but Nova didn't looked convinced.  
"I'm fine, I just fell while trying to clean the top of Kylo's window, I tried using a chair as a ladder, it didn't work, I pulled a muscle in my side, but I'm fine, really," you said in the most convincing and carefree tone that you could muster.  
Nova just stared at you for a few moments and you became worried that she hadn't bought your story and you struggled to maintain your lighthearted smile, but then she shook her head and laughed.  
"Well, at least no one can say that you aren't dedicated to your work," she said.  
You laughed too, but out of relief that she hadn't asked for details, you were not that good of a liar.  
You both ate in comfortable silence for the most part, Nova was reading some sort of book and you were thankful that she was too distracted with her book to notice that you were growing more agitated by the minute. Your eyes were glued to the clock and as every minute passed your anxiety levels grew until you felt like you were slowly suffocating. You didn't know what you would do when you saw him, you knew what you wanted to do, punch him in the face so hard that his perfect face had a fist sized dent in the middle of it, but you also wanted him to see you, see what he had done to you. You wanted him too feel bad about hurting you, even though you knew that he had no reason feel remorse, you had disobeyed a direct order and had stayed when he had told you to leave. You didn't know why you had stayed- actually, no, you did know why, when you saw him tearing that wall to shreds with his saber you had felt the strong desire to comfort him, something was drawing you to him, a very strong feeling that in some way you two were the same. You knew that it was stupid, but when you caught a glimpse of the real Kylo, the one who was concerned when you had passed out and had gave you some of his food, when you saw that Kylo it was easy too forget that he was one of the most feared people in the galaxy, but look where those feelings had gotten you, a concussion and broken ribs.

You made your way to his quarters, platter of food gripped tightly in your hands, head and heart pounding and your side aching when you arrived at his door you thought about setting the platter on the ground in front of the door, knocking once and then sprinting down the corridor out of sight before the door could slide open. But your pride wouldn't let you, so instead you knocked firmly, twice making the quiet corridor ring sharply with the sound of bone on metal. The door didn't open right away like it usually did, you stood confused for a few moments and after about thirty seconds of waiting you were about to knock again, it the door slid open on its own like usual. You took a deep breath and entered the dark room, you wondered if he ever turned on the lights when he was in here. When your eyes adjusted to the darkness you spotted the dark figure of Kylo standing in his usual spot, in front of the window, arms crossed and his back facing you. With out a word you went over to the nightstand, set down the platter then turned right back around and headed for the exit.  
"Where do you think you're going?" Came his deep voice.  
You stopped in your tracts and turned to see that he was now facing you, you had noticed immediately when he spoke that he had his mask on and for some reason that made you angry and surprisingly sad. You hadn't seen him in the mask since you had started your lessons and now that he had it on again you couldn't help but feel like he was hiding from you.  
"To my room," you said, decisively.  
"No, you are not. We're going to continue your training," he said, the mask making his words sound stiff and emotionless.  
Anger boiled up inside you and you marched strait up to him, you stopped when you were only inches away from him then you stood on your tiptoes so that you were looking directly into the masks eye holes.  
"If you think for one minute that I am going to let you continue 'training' me by attacking my mind and throwing me around like I'm some sort of animal, you have another think coming," you hissed, rage coming off of you in waves.  
"I will not be treated like a punching bag or anything less of what I am, a person who deserves the same respect as anyone else on this god damn base. I will give you one more chance to prove to me that you can actually teach me, but if you ever treat me like that again I will never come back to this room."  
The air echoed with your last words as you stared up into his masked face, the both of you standing still as trees. You hated not being able to see his face, you wanted to know what he was thinking, had your words effected him at all? You remembered that you knew how to reach out your mind and see what was inside other minds, so you tentatively reached out with your mind to Kylo's, but you were immediately met with his mental defenses, ones that were far stronger than yours. You retreated before he could notice that you were there.  
"I understand," he said suddenly, taking a step back. "I shouldn't have done that yesterday, I lost control."  
"If your going to apologize, do it without the mask. I want to see your face," you said, crossing your arms.  
Reluctantly, he reached up and undid the latches on his mask and pulled it off, holding under his arm.  
"There, happy?" He asked, the sarcasm evident in his voice.  
You ignored him and waited patiently for him to finish apologizing. He saw what you were doing and an almost mischievous smile played on his lips as he took a step closer to you, closer than you had been earlier. He put a gloved hand on your shoulder and leaned in close so that his brown eyes were looking directly into yours.  
"I apologize for my rude behavior, I'll act more professional in the future," he said in almost a whisper.  
You knew that he was patronizing you a bit, but you couldn't seem to be bothered by that when he was so close to you. Your skin warmed underneath your clothes where his hand was resting on your shoulder and you felt your face flush. You had never this close to his face before and you noticed how full and pigmented his lips were, they were almost too kissable. You also noticed his many freckles he had and it made you feel oddly better knowing that his face possessed a few flaws. He also had long eyelashes, which pissed you off.  
"Your thinking very loudly," he said, a smirk on his lips.  
You couldn't seem to move as his face inched closer and closer to yours and at the moment the only thing that you cared about was feeling his lips on yours. The moment was shattered when he placed his other hand on your left side, the side with the broken ribs and you gasped in pain. You jumped away and wimped as pain throbbed up your side.  
"What happened?" He asked, sincere concern in his voice and on his face, he looked like he wanted to go over to you, but he kept his distance.  
"It's my ribs, three of them are fractured," you told him, your voice strained.  
"How-" he started to ask, but then cut himself off as he realized why you were injured.  
You watched his face as it seemed to shut down and go devoid of all emotion, as expressionless as his mask. He turned to the side and looked at the ground.  
"We'll start again tomorrow night, you should get some rest tonight," he said in a deadpan voice.  
You nodded silently, confused as to what had caused his sudden mood change.   
"I guess I'll see you tomorrow then," you said and turned to leave. As the door slid open you looked over your shoulder to see him standing in the same position, but his hands were clenched and shaking slightly. Your eyebrows came together in a worried expression, but he didn't see it.  
"Good night Kylo."  
He didn't say anything as the door slid shut, leaving you on the other side, confused and concerned. It didn't help that when you were halfway down the corridor, that you heard the sound of crashing and things being smashed come from where you had just left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, hope you like this update! I don't have much to say other than, hope you're weekend is great!   
> Happy reading,  
> Chan_dragon<3


	11. XI

As the days went on and your training with Kylo continued, your ability of to block Kylo from getting into your mind became stronger and you were able to block him out for longer periods of time. Once he was satisfied with your skills he taught you how to get through his mental defenses. It was near impossible at first, you couldn't even make a scratch in his defenses. But as you learned more and you became stronger you were able to break cracks in his walls and almost squeeze your way in. Though every time you got that close he would immediately end the lesson, saying that that was enough for that night. You became suspicious that he didn't want you in his mind and you wondered why. Besides for the obvious reasons that there was things that he didn't want you to know, but you couldn't shake the feeling that there was something more to it.   
It was on one of those said nights, where you were sitting cross legged on the floor of Kylo's room with him sitting across from you in the same position. The both of you with your eyes closed tight and bodies rigid with concentration. The air in the room was thick and tense with the intensity of the battle that was raging in your minds. You were using every ounce of your strength to break through Kylo's mental defenses, envisioning your mind as a vise squeezing his tighter and tighter until his defenses broke under the pressure. But he wasn't holding back either, you could sense that he too was using all of his strength to keep you out, but you could also tell that he was struggling to maintain his walls and it gave you a burst of energy knowing that he was now the one struggling to keep you out. All you needed was him to waver for just a moment then you would be able to sneak through the cracks, and with a final burst of all the strength that you could muster you squeezed his defenses as hard as you could and to you surprise not only were you able to get into his mind, his defenses broke down almost completely and you were able to completely see into his mind. You could feel his panic as he realized that you were inside his head and he tried to rebuild his walls and break off the connection, but it was to late you were already inside.   
"Okay you were successful, now get out," he said, his voice strained.  
But you didn't want to get out, not yet. He had looked though your mind and it was only fair that you had a look around his.  
"Y/n..." He said, his voice warning, but you tuned him out. You knew that he would punish you, but you didn't really care, you were too damn curious about him to let this opportunity go to waste.  
You didn't really know what you were looking for, so you decided to start with his earliest memory and the image of a very beautiful woman with brown hair and kind eyes and a handsome man with brown hair and a mischievous smile sitting in a green field watching a toddler Kylo run around chasing a big wookie. The memory was bright and it felt happy, most of his first memories were happy, but as you went on his memories began to get darker and less pleasant. You picked out one of the darkest ones and saw a scene very similar to one of your worst memories. You saw a preteen Kylo being loaded onto a ship and the same man and woman who you saw earlier, and who you assumed were his father and mother, standing outside the ship. The woman was desperately trying to keep up a smile, but it as barley hiding the grim expression behind it. The man wasn't even trying to hide his emotionless expression, and the emotions that you could feel coming from Kylo were heartbreaking, you could feel his sadness and his despair, but the rage and anger coming off of him almost drowned out everything else. You knew what was happening all too well, his parents were sending him away.  
You skipped ahead a bit more and found a image of Kylo in his late teens, it was a image of him and a older man with greying hair and a beard to match. They looked to be sparing with long sticks, they were surrounded by other young people and other species, but their faces were fuzzy and blurred so you couldn't get a good look at them. Kylo and the man were circling each other, holding the sticks out and staying low to the ground. Suddenly Kylo lunged at the man, bringing his stick back to strike at the man, it the man deflected the blow effortlessly and swiped at Kylo's exposed stomach. The blow made you wince as you saw Kylo double over in pain, but he quickly recovered and the look that he gave the older man was pure hatred. Kylo roared and leaped at the man again, but this time he their sticks clashed together and an intense battle ensued, though it didn't last long. As Kylo to a swing at the mans head, the man ducked and kicked at Kylo's legs with his feet, causing Kylo to crumple to the ground and the man had his stick pointed at Kylo's face.  
"If you keep fighting with so much anger you will never prevail against your enemies," the man said in a calm voice. The feeling of hatred that Kylo was radiating was so intense that you immediately left that memory, but as you looked on through his memories just got darker and darker, until you stopped on a series of memories from not that long ago. But when you tried to look at them you felt Kylo begging you to get out of his mind and your hold upon his loosened enough for him to start rebuilding his defenses, so instead of complete memories all you were seeing was flashes of images, but what you did see made your heart race and your look run cold. The image of a pale disfigured humanoid floated across your vision and the rage was so strong it was overwhelming.  
"Please! Get out!"   
The sound of his voice brought you out of your concentration and you slipped out of his mind, you opened your eyes and your vision was blurry in your dazed state, but once your eyes adjusted you were completely shocked at what you saw. Kylo was no longer sitting upright, he was bent over with his head hung low and his hands resting in his lap. His hair hung around his face like black curtains and you saw his shoulders quivering, he wasn't making any noise, but you could tell that he was crying. You didn't know what to do, your first instinct was to go to him and comfort him, but you didn't know how well that would go over. The last time that you had wanted to comfort him you had gotten broken ribs and a headache, but when you saw him, the mighty Commander Kylo Ren reduced to such s venerable state you had a strong urge to protect him.  
'Fuck it,' you thought and with that you crawled over to him, sitting on your knees by his side. You tentatively reached out with your hand and rested it lightly on his shoulder and to your surprise he didn't flinch or lean away. So you decided to put your arm around his shoulders then the most unexpected thing happened, Kylo leaned into your embrace. You didn't know how to react at first, his head rested on your chest, so you rested your chin on the top of his head and placed your other hand on the back of his head, lightly stroking his soft hair. You didn't say anything, you just held him while he cried, like he had done for you. And as you held him a warmth spread throughout your body, a warmth you hadn't felt since your brother died and you couldn't help the small smile that spread across your face. All to soon his shoulders stopped shaking and he pulled away semi awkwardly, and you scooted back a few inches to put some respectful distance between the two of you. He looked at you, his eyes red and his face pale in the dim lighting. You sat in awkward silence, neither of you knowing what to say. Finally you role the silence.  
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," you said meekly.  
"There is no need to apologize, I did the same thing to you," he said, his voice soft.  
You were surprised at his words, but you were glad that he wasn't mad. You felt like you were finally getting to know him.  
"I guess we're even now," you said, trying to lighten the mood.  
He gave you a small smile and laughed lightly, "Yeah, I guess we are."  
Your heart beat faster at the sound of his laugh and the sight of his smile made you want to say something funny just to hear that laugh and see him smile again. It was one of the happiest sounds you had every heard.  
"I don't like thinking about my past, it makes me emotional and emotions like that make me weak," he said.  
You shook your head, "No, those emotions make you human."  
"I'm not human, I'm a monster," he said, his voice cold and sharp.  
"Yeah, well, so am I," you said.   
You both were silent for a few moments.  
"What's your happiest memory?" He asked in almost a whisper.  
The question took you off guard, and you had to think about it for a second.  
"I think my happiest memory is when my brother Eli turned 18, our squadron threw him a secret party. It was great, we didn't have anything to give, but one of us had managed to smuggle some cake from the kitchen. All of us were so happy in that moment, especially Eli, that's why it's my favorite memory, it was the last birthday my brother ever had."  
Kylo nodded and looked down at his hands in his lap.   
"What's yours?" You asked.  
"I don't have very many good memories," he said quietly.  
You scooted closer to him on the floor, close enough for your knees to brush his thigh.  
"Just tell me any good memory that you can think of," you said.  
He stayed silent for a while and you thought with disappointment that he wasn't going to say anything.  
"My father had this ship that he would take me on for rides in all of the time, and I would always ask him to let me fly it, but he would always tell me to wait till I was older. Then one day, when I was 7, he finally let me take the controls," he said, a small smile tugging at his lips.  
"We're you any good?" You asked.  
He laughed softly and shook his head, "No, I almost crashed the ship."  
You laughed, imagining a little Kylo at the controls of a ship, laughing while the ship swerved around in the sky.  
Kylo looked at you with a curious glint in his eyes.  
"You have a beautiful laugh," he said.  
You snapped your eyes to his to see if he was being serious, when you say that he was you looked down at your lap, letting your loose hair create a curtain around your face, preventing him from seeing the blush creeping up your cheeks.  
"Thanks," you said quietly. "I like your laugh too."

You and Kylo talked late into the night, mostly about each other's childhood. You were the one doing most of the talking, Kylo didn't seem like he wanted to talk about himself or his past, but you were okay with that, you were just happy to be talking like this with him. Being with Kylo made you feel a type of way you hadn't been sure you would be able to feel again. When you finally left his room it was after 3 in the morning and before you left you embraced Kylo in a warm hug, he didn't return it, but you didn't mind. You said goodnight and left with a lightness in your heart and a smile on your face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hope y'all had a great Thanksgiving! Hope you liked this chapter!  
> Happy reading,  
> Chan_dragon<3


	12. XII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, I'm so so so so so sorry about the complete lack of updates this month! December was such a busy month for me and I just couldn't get around to writing. I was planing on posting this chapter early this week, but I never got around to it, so you all have my permission to tell me what an awful person I am.  
> On a more serious note, I'm dedicating this chapter to an amazing person who passed away earlier this week. Carrie Fisher was an amazing actress and writer who inspired countless people including me and I honestly can't believe that she's gone, but I sincerely believe that she is in a better place. I don't really know what else to say other than, we miss you dearly Carrie, but we will never forget you.   
> Rip Carrie Fisher, may the Force be with you.
> 
> She drowned in moonlight, strangled by her own bra.

The next morning you awoke ungraciously to the sound of your alarm blaring. You sat up, rubbing the three hours of sleep out of your eyes and groaned tiredly. You regretted staying up so late, but on the other hand you knew that it was worth it to get to talk with Kylo, who knows if you'd talk with him like that ever again, he was so unpredictable. As you went about your morning routine you couldn't stop thinking about him, you tried to make yourself think about anything else, but you would quickly find you mind straying back to last night's events. You couldn't stop thinking the way that you had felt when you had comforted him, the way you had filled with a warmth when you had your arms around him, and how light and happy you had felt at the fact that he had trusted you enough to show you his emotions and be in such a valuable state around you. You couldn't understand what was wrong with you, why you were feeling these emotions towards Kylo, it was utterly ridiculous. You'd never felt this way before about anybody, in fact when being trained to be a Stormtrooper you were discouraged to feel any romantic feelings and if anyone was caught acting on any such romantic feelings, they were punished severely. You never imagined that you would experience any romantic feelings ever, let alone feel that way about the most feared man in the First Order. And frankly you had no idea what to do about these new found emotions. You knew that it was wrong and you weren't even sure that Kylo was capable of feeling the same things that you were. But maybe that's what gave you the thrill when you thought about him, the fact that you would never be able to have him in that way only you made you want him more.  
When you arrived a the canteen Nova was no where to be seen, and you assumed that she had just gotten an early start, so you sat a alone at your usual table. Shortly after you had sat down, you noticed a middle aged man enter the canteen, he wasn't a maintenance worker, his uniform was black and the insignia on his sleeve showed that he was a Sergeant. You wondered what a Sergeant was doing in a non-military persons canteen, you looked at him as he scanned the room, obviously looking for something or more likely someone. Then his landed on you and you locked eyes, you looked away, positive that the eye contact had been on accident and that you weren't the person he was looking for. But when you looked up again, you saw the Sergeant weaving around the tables in your direction. When you realized this, you sat up straight and brushed the nonexistent lint off of your uniform. When he stopped in front of your table he looked you up and down,  
"Are you Sanitizer 10642?" He asked in a monotone voice.  
"Yes sir, I am," you said, and as you responded you looked at him, trying to remember if you had seen him before, but nothing stuck out to you. You might've met him in the past, but when you'd been on this base as long as you've been all of the faces start blending together in your memory, besides Star Killer Base was huge, it was basically a planet, there was no way you could remember every you'd ever crossed paths with.  
"I was sent to give you the message that Commander Ren does not require your services today," he said, the boredom evident in his voice and before you could say anything he turned on his heal and walked briskly back the way he came.  
You sat in confusion for a few moments, but you quickly recovered. It wasn't unusual for the higher ups to give their personal staff a random day off, if they have private business they need to attend too and they don't want to be disturbed. You just wondered why Kylo had sent a Sergeant to deliver the message instead of a lower ranked person or even a simple droid could've gotten the job done just as well. Or he could've just told you himself, if he could hear your thoughts from half way across the base like he claimed he could, why couldn't he just project his own thoughts into your head? Did he not want to talk to you? Did he regret opening up to you last night? There was no use of worrying yourself, you just needed to enjoy your day off. You left the canteen and went back to your room, you were going to to what a you always did on your days off, go to the gym. The second week that you had been here Nova told you that there was a gym for the staff, the higher ups wanted their personal staff to stay fit and healthy, so you were provided with a gym for the use of personal staff only. And even better, you were provided with a set of work out clothes, so no more working out in your room in your underwear. But before you headed to the gym, you decided to get a little pre workout by wondering around a bit. Since you had even relocated, you hadn't gotten a chance to see much of this part of the base, and this was the prefect time to do some exploring.  
You decided to go in the opposite direction of Kylo's quarters since you had been that way several times already. You went in a mostly straight line, opting out of going down any of the side corridors, you didn't want to risk getting lost in the maze of metal hallways. After about twenty minutes of wandering around, you came to the conclusion that the Living Quarters wing of Star Killer Base was probably the most boring section. So far, all that you had seen were closed doors leading to other officers and generals rooms, and you'd stumbled across a few conference rooms, but nothing very exciting. After a few more closed doors and empty conference rooms you disappointedly decided to head back and just go to the gym. As you walked back the way you came you passed by some officers in uniform, but none of them gave you a second look, you were in your uniform and for all they knew you were doing your job. However as you were walking someone came swiftly around the corner of a side hallway to your right, they were walking so briskly and neither of you were paying attention so you nearly ran straight into each other.  
"Oh, I'm so sorry," you exclaimed as you jumped out of the way to avoid being knocked to the ground.  
"What the hell-!?" Exclaimed a sharp accented voice.  
You looked up to see a man clad in a black uniform, his insignia displaying that he was a general. He was about the same height as Kylo, maybe a few inches shorter, his skin was the color of paper and his hair was a striking red. His face was pointed and angular, his nose almost like a birds beak, his mouth was set in a thin line with his lips pressed together. His eyes were as pale as his skin, they had no wrinkles or lines around them to show that he ever smiled and from the looks of him you don't think that he ever did. He definitely looked like some one that you'd want to avoid pissing off and you were pretty sure that you had met him, he looked really familiar, but you couldn't figure out where you had seen him before.  
"I'm sorry, General. I didn't look where I was going," you apologized again.  
"Clearly," he snapped while straightening out his uniform. When he was satisfied that there were no wrinkles in his uniform he looked at you, taking in your own uniform and upon seeing that you were a personal staff member his mouth twisted into a disapproving frown.  
"What's your station and your ID number?" He demanded.  
"I'm in sanitation and my ID number is 10642, sir" you said clearly.  
At this his eyebrows raised and his expression changed from disgusted to intrigued.  
"Aren't you Commander Ren's personal staff?" He asked.  
"Yes, sir..." You said, unsure as to how or why he would know that. Then, suddenly you remembered a name, Hux, General Hux. You had met him a few times in your Stormtrooper days, he would come around the training centers periodically to inspect and assess the troopers. You hadn't really met him personally and to your knowledge he had never seen you without a helmet, so you weren't worried that he would recognize you now.  
"What are you doing over here? Master Ren's quarters is no where near here," he said.  
"I was given the day off, sir," you responded.  
Hux narrowed his eyes and looked at you like he wasn't sure to believe you or not, then he gave you a though look up and down that made you feel oddly uncomfortable.  
"You've lasted longer than most of his previous staff," he said, "What makes you so special?"  
You made your best innocent face and shrugged your shoulders.  
"I just do my job, sir, and I do my best to stay out of his way," you said, which was half true.  
"Yes, I see," the way he said it gave you an uneasy feeling in your stomach, and suddenly all you wanted to do was get away from him as soon as possible.  
"Well, I have to get going, peace won't be restored to the galaxy on its own," he said.  
You had to keep yourself from rolling your eyes, 'what ever that means,' you thought to yourself.  
"It was a pleasure meeting you..."  
"Y/n, my name is y/n, sir."  
"Well, Y/n, it was a pleasure making your acquaintance. I hope that you won't meet the same fate as the others before you in your position," he said, half condescendingly. Then with a small smirk, he brushed past you and marched down the long corridor.  
You stood, staring at the back of his fiery colored head, and you reached out with your mind in a attempt to read the general's mind. You were surprised to find no resistance or defenses around his mind, though as he got farther and farther away it became difficult to maintain the connection, but before you lost all connection you where able to hear one thing.  
"I almost feel sorry for Ren, Nova is a lot prettier to look at than Y/n."  
You couldn't help but feel a little offended by that, but you decided that you felt mad for Nova because she had to put up with that jerk. Kylo maybe unpredictable and have anger issues, but at least he wasn't a sociopath.  
You decided that you had had enough exploring for the day, (even though you had barley seen anything) and headed back to your room to grab your work out clothes, a grey tank top, grey spandex pants, black gym shoes, and a black sports bra, and headed to the gym.  
The gym wasn't anything special, it was just a large room with dark walls and basic workout equipment. On one side there was the cardio equipment and on the another side there was the strength training equipment. To the left there was two doors leading to the men and woman's  locker room, there were a few other people using the equipment and working up a sweat, but no one you knew. You quickly changed out of your uniform and into your workout cloths in the woman's locker room and stuffed your uniform into a locker, pulled on your gym shoes and headed out into the gym. You started with a good ten minutes of stretching, then you started up the treadmill. You hated running, but you did it because it was good exercise and it got your mind off of whatever was bothering you, because it took most of your concentration to focus on breathing and not passing out, and right now all you wanted to do was to stop thinking about Kylo and the feelings that he made surface inside you.  
You didn't really keep track of the time while you were working out, but just as you were finishing up you final stretches at the end of your workout routine you noticed how empty the gym was. In fact you were the only one in there, you were confused for a moment, wondering where everyone was. You looked at the clock that was hanging on the wall, above the entrance and a wave of realization and horror hit you. No one was in the gym because it was 5:55, everyone was at dinner and you were supposed to be delivering Kylo his dinner in five minutes. You jumped up from your spot on the floor where you had doing your stretching and sprinted to the exit, you ran all the way to the kitchen, blowing past people who gave you strange and irritated looks, but all you could do was yell a halfhearted "sorry!" over you shoulder. When you got to the kitchen you stop only to grab the platter then run back out, ignoring the weird and questioning stares from the kitchen staff. You then ran as fast as you could, without dropping the platter, to Kylo's quarters. When you arrived to his quarters, you were gasping for breath and after the work out you had just done you felt like you were about to pass out any moment. You knocked on the metal door weakly and tried to even out your shallow breathing. The door slid open and as usual you were greeted by empty air, you stepped into the semi lit room and immediately noticed that something was different. In the middle of the room now stood a table, it was about the size of Kylo's bed, so biggish. It was rectangular and it was made of a dark wood, it was sleek and glossy and it wasn't anything fancy, it it did have some basic designs carved into the legs. There were four chairs, made from the same wood and of the same design of the table, sitting at each side of the table. Kylo was currently standing hunched over with his hands resting on the table, and he seemed to be looking over a digital map of the galaxy. He wasn't wearing his helmet so his hair was falling around his face, you remembered how soft his hair felt last night when you had run your fingers through it, trying to comfort Kylo. You shook those thoughts from your head and shuffled over to the table, setting the platter down on it.  
"Why are you breathing so damn loud?" He asked, "I can barley hear myself thi-"  
He stopped abruptly, mid-sentence as he looked up at you from the map that he was studying. He was looking at you the way everyone else had been as you ran past them, with the same look of confusion. At first you thought that it was that you must look like a mess, with your hair thrown up in a messy bun and if you were as grimy and sweaty as you felt you must look like the strange sight running around on a base where professionalism is everything. The sweat stains on your light grey shirt where probably super noticeable-. Then with a sinking feeling you realized that you where in fact not wearing a shirt, the only thing that was covering your upper half was your sports bra. Then you remembered that you had taken it off when you had started to wight lift, leaving it on the gym floor and when you had realized that you were going to be late for delivering Kylo his dinner you hadn't even thought of throwing your shirt on. So, now you were stood in front of one of the highest ranking persons in the First Order in your sports bra, sweaty and out of breath, to say that it was embarrassing would be an understatement.  
You crossed your arms over your chest in a attempt to restore at least a shred of your modesty.  
"Um, sorry. I was working out and lost track of the time," you said.  
Kylo didn't say anything, he just continued looking at you, eyes glued to the exposed skin of your torso, then, slowly, his eyes traveled upward, up past your stomach, then your chest, your bare shoulders, then finally resting on your face where he briefly made eye contact and you watched as his tongue darted out and swiped across his pink lips. His gaze made you feel warm in intimate places and your heart to beat faster than it already was. He tore his eyes away and looked back down at his map, but you were pretty sure that his shoulders were rising and falling a little faster than before.  
"I can go change really quick," you offered.  
"No, it's fine," he said, almost too quickly, he cleared his throat and continued.  
"We won't be training tonight, I have things that I need to attend too."  
"Okay," you said, trying not to sound too relieved, you were already exhausted from your workout you didn't know how much more physical or mental exertion you could handle.  
"Before we begin, I have to tell you something," he said, shutting off the map and standing up strait, folding his arms and fixing you with a hard stare. You looked back at him with a questioning look, you were equal parts curious and nervous as to what he was going to say.  
"You are Force sensitive."  
You looked at him with a blank expression, then you laughed.  
"You've got to be joking," you said, searching his face for any sign that he wasn't being serious.  
He just raised an eyebrow as if to say, 'do I look like I've ever told a joke in my life?'  
"How do you know?" You asked, incredulously.  
"I am very strong with the Force and I can sense other Force users," he said.  
"But I'm not a Force user, I've never used the Force," you said.  
"Of course you have, how do you think you are able to get inside my head?" He asked, rolling his eyes like it was the most obvious thing in the galaxy.  
"I didn't know I was using the Force, I thought anyone could learn how to do that."  
Kylo sighed exasperatedly, "What do you know about the Force?"  
You shook your head, "Next to nothing, it's not like I had Force 101 class in Stormtrooper boot camp."  
"Well, your connection is very strong and if you honed your skills you could become a powerful warrior, a force to be reckoned with," he said, coming around the table to stand directly in front of you.  
"I could teach you in the ways of the Force, but you would have to keep your power a secret, there are those you would use you for your power for their own gains."  
You looked up at him and the passion in his eyes gave you a thrill of excitement, there was little hesitation in you, the idea of leaving the boring life of a sanitation worker and doing something exciting like learning to use the Force was too good to pass up.  
You nodded your head and put your hands on your hips, causing Kylo's eyes to be drawn down to your exposed stomach, but he quickly snapped them back up to your face. You were so tempted to reach out and read his mind to find out what he was thinking, but you doubted he would let you get past his defense.  
"We won't be training in my quarters anymore. Come to my room at the usual time tomorrow night and we'll go to my personal training room," he said, sweeping past you and going over to his chest of drawers, opening the middle drawer and pulling out a piece of black clothing. He tossed it at you and you caught it in your hands, unfolding it to see that it was a black long sleeve shirt. You looked at him with a quizzical look.   
"So you can get back to your room with some decency," he said, with a smirk.  
"Thanks, I guess," you said, not sure if you should be offended or not. You pulled the shirt over your head and found that it was a lot too big for you. The hem went almost past your knees and the sleeves draped far past your hands. The shirt was very comfortable though, what ever material it was made out of was a lot more soft than what your uniform was made out of.  
You noticed Kylo gazing at you with a almost hungry look in his eyes that half intrigued half scared you.  
"See you tomorrow than," you said, turning to go, wanting desperately to get away from the tension that was growing thicker and thicker by the second.  
Kylo stayed silent as you left the room, but you could feel his gaze on you until the door closed behind you.  
You retrieved your clothes from the locker room and took a long hot shower to wash away all of the dried sweat that was making your skin feel sticky. When you changed into your sleeping cloths instead of putting on your night shirt you pulled on Kylo's shirt instead. You crawled into your bed and inhaled Kylo's scent that was clinging to his shirt. Overwhelmed and exhausted with the events of that day, you fell asleep immediately and didn't wake up until your alarm woke you the next morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first piece on here, but I'm not new to writing, I've been doing that for a while! I haven't done it in a while though, so I might be a bit rusty. With that being said, I will welcome any and all forms of constructive criticism.   
> I'm not 100% sure of where this story will go, but I'm having a lot of fun writing it and I hope that you will have fun reading and we can be Kylo Ren trash together!  
> I will try to post a new chapter every Monday and if I can post more during the week I will, but I'm not making any promises. I'll try to be as consistent as possible, but please don't be mad if I miss a week!  
> I'll also post this story on Wattpad, my user name is: Ididnotleaveyou  
> If you want to check it out on there.
> 
> Happy reading and my the force be with you!  
> ~Chan_dragon <3


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